


Not Far

by Harley_Quinn13



Series: Not [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Batman References, Carol is a bitch, Child Death, Depressing, Heartbreak, Multi, Owen is Alpha Wolf's real name, Sad, Tsundere, Yandere, but don't worry, but she does, crazed, heartless people, it's not like she likes Negan or anything, miscarage, over Owen, protective character, she misses Owen Dearly, she's best friends with Glenn.., she's in mourning, she's like joker Harley Quinn and The Mad Hatter meshed into one.., sledgehammer, so are Negan's wives, the walking dead - Freeform, they get what's coming to them, used to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:38:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9609794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harley_Quinn13/pseuds/Harley_Quinn13
Summary: Jean is subjected to a rude awakening when she parts ways with her best friend. She makes her way to Washington D.C. before finally running into a group of survivors, but is she in for more than she bargained for? Will she slowly lose her mind in this lonely world of devastation and no hope?This is also on my Wattpad! Under the name HarleyQuinnBAM!





	1. All Alone

  She shook me fiercely, trying to get my attention. My eyes slowly trailed to hers. I-for once-felt scared. I never thought that this would happen. Why was this happening?

  We stood beside the street, almost completely encased in darkness except for the small stream of light coming from a distant lamppost. Sounds of screams and running feet could be heard from everywhere around us, and sometimes you could even hear the sounds of car doors and engines, if that person was lucky enough to get in their car.

  "Jean! It's going to be fine! We'll make it!" She shouted, trying to calm my nerves. Headlights suddenly glared in our direction as a car came zooming toward us, full speed. It felt as if the car was targeting us, which was odd enough to think of as it hurled toward us. She jumped out of the way, pulling me down with her. A loud crash echoed through the night, metal was crushed and glass was cracked-no-shattered. Fire cackled and waved at us, winking and blinking in the wind. I heard a blood curdling sound from within the car, a gargling noise.

  A man emerged from the fiery car. He slowly made his way over to us, limping. I got up, unsure of whether he was actually alive or not. I suppose I didn’t want to believe that more people were turning into these ghastly creatures, I wanted to believe that this crash had injured him, and that’s why his skin seemed to be falling off.

  "Jean!" She shouted from behind me. The man turned his head to look at her. Glass littered the skin on his face, sticking out in different directions, one large shard finding its way into his eye. Blood was oozing out of his mouth, and through broken teeth I could see that his tongue was a mangled mess. His eyes, or at least the one that wasn’t completely destroyed by the accident, were a haunting pale grey with no pupil, giving the illusion that he may be blind. I froze as he walked past me, and I wrinkled my nose at the awful odor emitting from him. It was a putrid smell that reminded me of road kill. I realized at that moment that he was dead. That false hope I had given myself did absolutely nothing to help mask the obvious dead features.

  She screamed as it grabbed her arm. Quickly, I ran up to one of my holsters and grabbed the sword within. In one swift motion, I chopped the creature's head off. The smell got worse as blood began to continuously pool and squirt from the open wound. She fell over, still stunned by this experience.

  As I stared down at the still alive head, I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander. The creature kept gnashing its teeth, most likely thinking that it can actually catch some piece of flesh between its rotting teeth. It was pitiful, almost hilariously pitiful. I plunged the blade into its forehead, giving it an end.

  "This is our world now." I muttered with no emotion. She looked up at me, confusion plastered on her face.

  "What? I-I couldn't hear you." She explained. I looked down at her. Blood soaked the side of my face and I was sure that this was quite a frightful sight for my old friend.

  "I said that this is the world now. You could be as skilled as us, but still be killed due to carelessness." I claimed. She looked as if she were offended by my remark.

  "I hope you're blaming yourself, too." She remarks, dusting off her legs as she stood up.

  "Cause you walked right up to that… thing." She pointed out while nodding toward the twice-dead body. I ignored her and kept my focus on the car.

  "Do you think there was more than one in there?" I asked. She shrugged.

  "It couldn't hurt to look, right?" She suggested. I sighed.

  "It could. What if it pops right out and, oh, I don't know, bites our face!" I exclaimed. She shook her head while laughing. We went back toward the parking lot of our apartments, her unlocking her car in a quick manner while I stood watch. She tossed me my red jacket while she grabbed her white leather one.

  “We’ll need them.” She told me. I understood what she meant, there wasn’t going to be a warm fuzzy bed waiting for us anytime soon in the future. She then closed the door to her car and began to walk away from it.

  “Shouldn’t we take the car? It’d be safer.” I suggested. She looked at me with a bewildered expression.

  “Did you not see what just happened to that guy? Not to mention that everyone else is probably taking their car and the traffic will be maddening. And I’m almost out of gas.” She explained while pointing to her car. I nodded.

  “I guess you’re right.” I looked around, taking in the chaos of the neighborhood before sighting the area with the least chaos.

  "Let's go this way." I suggested as I began to walk the other way. I could feel her staring at me, I knew what was coming, but I definitely wasn’t ready for it.

  "Jean, I can't go with you." She told me, calmly. I looked back at her. Of course, of course she wasn’t going with me. I wasn’t mad, but I wasn’t the happiest person either.

  "Huh?"

  "I'm going back home, to Islip. If you want you can go with me, but, I have to go this way." She explained. I looked down.

  "I-I" I stuttered. She stood in front of me, waiting for a response.

  "I'll follow you to the state line. After that, I'll go wherever the wind takes me." I told her. She nodded.

  "I'll take it." She said, I could tell she was holding back tears. We began walking, I collected our swords and spears as we walked by, I had a feeling that we were going to need them. Of course, I was right.

  And so, we began our journey out of our quiet mountain town. I wasn't sure where I was going, but she was determined to get back to New York. We reached the state limit of Colorado before we knew it, and she looked at me.

  "Well..." She started. I dropped all of our stuff.

  "Here. You'll need it." I told her. She stopped for a moment and stared at me with wide eyes. She shook her head.

  "No. You need some too." She claimed.

  "I don't know if I'm going to leave here. What's the point?" I told her. She grabbed the swords and spears before looking back. I could tell that she was nervous, she didn't want to leave. But weren't we all? We were all terrified. We had no clue what was going on or why it was happening. In a way, both she and I were journeying into the unknown. This world was cruel, and it could take us and the things we love away in an instant.

  "I guess this is goodbye." She said, grasping the straps of her swords. I nodded. Out of nowhere, she hugged me.

  "Stay alive. Please? For me? Just survive somehow." She whispered. I smiled.

  "Of course." I promised. Although, I wasn't sure if I actually could keep this promise. You never know what could happen in this world of cruelty. I got one last look at her, the light from nearby fires had casted a hellish glow over us, and it looked as if going straight into the gates of hell was more of a reward than staying here, fighting for our lives.

  She was gone quicker than I realized and I was soon wondering just how long I had been standing there, I eventually settled on going the same way as she was, but I wasn’t going home. I took a deep breath before starting off toward the east. But this time...

         I was all alone.


	2. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains images of rape and graphic sexual content..if you are made uncomfortable by these thing I suggest you skip to chapter three.

 

  It's been days and several miles since I saw my best friend last. We had gone separate ways after leaving our apartments in South Park, Colorado. She was heading back to Islip, and me, well, I was going wherever the wind took me.

  It was getting dark and I was contemplating on whether or not to go into the forest in front of me. It was clear that I shouldn't, seeing as I was out of ammo, but I was delusional from the lack of sleep I had and I wasn't going to stop there, I refused to stop. In my state, I had decided that I had gone that far, and I was going to keep on until I passed out from exhaustion. I decided to go into the forest and hoped that I wouldn't run into a horde of walkers.

  Trees loomed over me in an ominous way. There was a crunch beneath me with every step I took, sticks and leaves had begun to litter the ground around this time of year. While making my way further into the forest, I heard rustling around me. I brushed it off but still remained cautious. In this world, you can't let your guard down. Walkers were everywhere. It's sad when you realize that, at this point, walkers were outnumbering people. After tonight, I wouldn't care how many people were left. I would only care about one person and that person... wasn't me.

   I cautiously moved through the darkening woods, eyeing the bushes and trees surrounding me. Another rustling noise came from behind me. I pulled out my gun, hoping that I wouldn’t have to use it.

  "H-hello?" I asked stupidly. There was no answer at first, but after a few long excruciating moments, I finally saw a person come out of the bushes. I breathed a sigh of relief.

  "Thank god. It's another person." I muttered to myself as I put my gun away. Which was a huge mistake. I hadn’t seen another person in a long while, it had to have been at least three years, so naturally, I didn’t know that there were people out there who wanted to hurt me.

  Next thing I knew, I was being tackled to the ground by someone. I struggled in their grasp, they pinned my arms above my head and spread my legs apart with their legs.

  "W-wait! I'm not a walker! Stop!" I shouted. The man looked at me, he was covered in dirt and had a 'W' on his forehead. He smirked at me as others emerged from the woods behind and in front of him.

  "We know. We just really need a release… and supplies." He said as the others around him grabbed my bag and looked inside it. I kicked my legs to get him off of me, but it did no good. The man began to undo the button on my shorts. In the process, he had let go of my arms. I put up a fight at first, swinging blindly at this stranger, even hitting him once. His head flew backward and his hands shot up to his nose. I turned around underneath him and attempted to drag myself out. My fingers dug up the soft soil below the leaves. I had barely gained any ground between us before one of the men surrounding us had stepped forward. He grabbed my arms and mercilessly pulled me out from under the first guy. He still held my arms as the first guy held my legs.

  "N-no!" I shouted, not caring if it attracted walkers. Hell, that might even be my strategy to get out of this situation. The men around me chuckled at my futile attempts as they grabbed the stolen guns from my bag.

  “You fucking bitch. You’re gonna hurt for that, just you wait.” The man said. Blood oozed from his nose and dripped onto my torso. He went back to pulling my shorts down. I tried to tune them out, but I couldn’t. They were deciding who would go next. I felt tears brim up in my eyes.  Just as I thought there was no hope left, someone yelled.

  The man on top of me looked over his shoulder as another man approached. I began to panic again. Who knew if this guy was really here to help me. He moved toward us slowly, looking around at the men surrounding us. He seemed very nonchalant about this, it was very clear to me that he didn’t seem to care when he took one of my guns to inspect it.

  "I hope you're in the middle of killing her…" He scorned, not even looking at the men holding me down. The man on top of me straightened up as he looked up at this guy. He had long brown hair, and enchanting dark brown eyes. He-also-had the 'W' on his forehead. The man on top of me stood up.

  "Yeah… sure we were." He said nervously. I looked up at the man who just stopped this man from raping me. I noticed that the others surrounding us had seemed to shy off, looking nervous as this mysterious stranger glared at all of them. He approached the man who was on top of me, an unamused look on his face. His fist was quickly on the guy’s face. The guy staggered, holding his nose once again. He held out his hand, not even bothering to look at me.

  "I hope you're… okay…" He trailed off as he smirked at me. He helped me up and I didn’t even notice his suggestive look, I couldn't help but stare into his memorizing eyes. I was scared, I bet he knew it too. It had something to do with the look in those eyes. It was almost as if he were trying to exploit my fear and uneasiness. He pulled me closer, his hand on my hip, and he began to lead me away from the rest of his group.

  "Y-you saved me… but why?" I asked. He ignored my question.

  "I could let you go, but you have to let me do what I want." He whispered. I looked down and nodded shyly. I didn’t know what he wanted, but with what his men just tried to do, I had a pretty good idea of what it was.

  “Okay. Fine.” I agreed in a voice no louder than a whisper. He smiled at me, showing his imperfect smile, and yet he still made me melt.

  "Good." He began quietly. He looked up and around at the men gathered around us. They dispersed quickly and he turned to me. I was still facing where those people were standing. One hand was placed on top of my shoulder while the other traced my hips.

  "I..." I couldn't say anything else. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, placing small, barely recognizable kisses up the left side of my neck.

  "'I' what?" He whispered before biting my earlobe. Slowly, he guided me down onto the ground. He began to whisper dirty things that I'd prefer not to specify. He looked up at me again, a smirk on his face. I sat there while he undid my shorts, pulling them down along with my underwear.

  "Don't take off anything else. It'll be easier to get dressed and run if any walkers come through here." He told me. I nodded as he undid his pants. I looked away, too timid to watch him. He smashed his lips onto mine, this being the first time he actually kissed me. I didn't realize that he had entered until he started thrusting. I moaned into the kiss.

  He pulled away and buried his face in the crook of my neck again. I whined and moaned softly at every little movement he made. He began to thrust at an animalistic rate, causing me to moan a bit louder. He wrapped a hand around my throat to stop me from moaning so loudly. I wrapped my legs around his waist. The pleasure stopped after I did this, he had pulled out. He flipped me over.

  "Get on your hands and knees." He commanded. I did as he told me and picked myself up. He entered me again and continued. I let out a shaky moan as he sped up again. He bent over me, grabbed my throat and squeezing, and began to whisper in my ear.

  "You'll be crying wolf by the time I'm done here." He said jokingly, I didn't realize that though. His thrusts became sloppy and I felt an intense feeling of pleasure build up and burst as he grazed a certain spot in me. I moaned loudly, still unsure of what his name was. He didn’t seem to like my reaction, seeing as he pulled out as soon as I came down from my little high.

  "I don't think we'll see each other again. I want you to know, that this could've ended worse than this." He told me. I nodded as I pulled up my pants.

  As I watched him walk away, I realized something. Why would he save me if he didn't care? That's exactly my point, if he didn't care he wouldn't have saved me. If anything, this experience taught me something, not all survivors are good. They aren't all like him.

  Little did I know, that this was just the beginning.


	3. Stalker

  It had been weeks after my encounter with those survivors, and I was still thinking about what happened. I knew that he cared for me and that's why he saved me. There was no way around it.

  Cold weather had already made its way to wherever I was. I lost track of where I was and what month it was a few years ago but if I were to guess, it seemed like fall. The leaves were turning and it was chilly. I shivered and brought my knees up to my chest in a pathetic attempt to stay warm. I had lost my only winter jacket during my encounter with those survivors. I was determined to find him again though. That I was sure of.

  I managed to spot some of his men around the area I was camping in. I knew that if I were to wait, I would find them. I planned on following them back to their base, where I was sure to find him. Soon enough, they were pulling the knives out of their latest victims and running off. After a couple of encounters with these people, I knew that these were traps, I had to go around the dead bodies that were doomed to reanimate.

  Through these thick forests and through planes, I followed the four men until there was pale blue building which had-in giant letters- 'Del Arno Foods'. There was a chain link fence separating me from it and several parked trucks. I glared as I looked around. There had to be a way in. I had a bad feeling about the fence… I didn't plan on going through there, it seemed like the front door. Maybe even a trap. I had been following these guys for weeks, I know that they love to set traps.

  I made my way around the perimeter of the property, looking for a way to get in. I stopped at a window, it was high up. Too high up for me to reach. I had to look for something to stack. I noticed a couple of crates already stacked behind me. I sprinted to them and pushed one that had nothing on top over to the pale painted wall. I then attempted to push the other two to the wall. My attempts were futile, for they would not budge. One box would definitely not be enough for me to sneak in. I knew that using knives to climb wasn't going to work, and jumping would attract too much attention. So I sat on the box, and thought.

  "Hey!" I heard a voice call from my left. I jumped slightly as I saw a figure approach me. There was no doubt in my mind... it was him.

  Next thing I knew I was being tugged off of the box by my hair, and I was thrown onto the cold, weathered asphalt of the factory. I landed on my hands and knees, and I knew they would be hurting later from scrapes. There were three men surrounding me, one knelt down behind me with my hair still caught in his tight, unforgiving grip. He held a knife to my throat, the cold metal pressing into my sensitive skin, showing no mercy. The other two men stood there doing nothing. The figure had finally made his way to me and my spirits had lifted.

  "Well then. Finish her off and place her in one of the trucks. She'd be a wonderful addition." He stated carelessly. My quick wit had kicked in and I had elbowed the man who had me in his deadly grip.

  "Wait!" I cried out as I held out an arm, still on my hands and knees. He had slowly turned around, unsure of how to feel about me breaking away from his men. I stood up, ignoring the burning sensation on my knees that I knew were probably scrapes. I swallowed the lump in my throat, tears brimming in my eyes when I realized that he wanted to kill me. The same man who saved me from a fate worse than death. The man who I was sure that he had cared about me, just ordered that I would be killed. I balled my fists and stared at him.

  "You don't remember me?" I asked in a sad and almost pitiful voice. When he didn't respond, my heart sank. I only had one choice. I had to prove something to this man. That I would be a valuable asset to his group. That I would protect him no matter what. The man who I had elbowed was still on the ground, trying to catch his breath. I glared as I reached down, grabbed his knife, and stabbed him repeatedly in the throat. His gasps and whimpers of pain subsides after the first five stabs, but when the life left his eyes, I didn't stop. I kept going.

  The blood had coated my hands so they were a deep red. Blood had found its way to my face and dripped down my chin. I took one of my blood coated fingers and used my forehead as a canvas to paint the 'W' on my forehead, smiling widely, knowing that I had him right where I wanted him. I decided to end it, I dangled the knife over his forehead, ready to prevent him from turning, but I was stopped.

  "I think he's taken enough. And I'd hate to waste a perfectly good walker." He stated as he stared down at my blood covered form, a smirk present on his face. I stood up, coming down from whatever the hell that was. I honestly had no clue what I had done. But I didn't care, I had his attention.

  "Who are you...?" I asked breathlessly. He looked down.

  "You asked if I remembered you." He stated. I nodded.

  "You saved me... weeks ago. You took my backpack… these guys tried to-"

  "Wow… you actually tracked me down. Did I scar you that much?" He asked, gesturing to the now reanimated corpse of his dead follower. One of his other men was corralling him into the fence, where all of the trucks were located, while the other was opening gates and doors for the unfortunate follower.

  "No, you didn't scar me. You intrigued me. I wanted to find you. I wanted to join you…to…" I trailed off. I didn't want to finish; I was afraid of what he would say.

  "Sure." He states nonchalantly. I looked up at him again, confusion plastered on my face. He said nothing more. But began to walk away. I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

  "T-thank you! I-I still never got your name…" I said. He chuckled.

  "Just… Alpha Wolf." He told me. I nuzzled into his back happily.

  "Jean."


	4. Not Heartless

  In the few weeks I had been there, a lot had changed for me. I was no longer alone, I was safe, I had shelter. Even though there were no beds in the place, there were tons of blankets, and let me tell you, it's a hell of a lot more comfortable than solid ground. Apparently, I was trusted enough to keep track of everything they'd...'gained.' I learned a long time ago that 'gained' means stolen. While these people may seem like they were patients at an insane asylum pre-apocalypse, they had something going here.

  They were protected from outsiders due to their traps outside, they had plenty of food and plenty of weapons. Is there really anything more a girl could ask for?

  Although, there was one thing that was truly getting to me… he hasn't talked to me since that day. Alpha was one of my only reasons for living right now, while I did have a friend pre-shitstorm, she's probably dead now. He was the only person I had right now... and he's ignoring me.

  'He's probably busy. REALLY busy. He is the leader after all.' I would try to reassure myself as I sorted through the stolen goods. I shook my head at the thought. While yes, he would take me with him when on supply runs, other than that I was ignored.

  Looking at my records, everything seemed to be in order. Then, something caught my eye. Quickly, I grabbed the small packet on the corner of the shelf and examined it. A packet of Juicy Fruit gum! The pack was still wrapped, a little dusty, but still good by the looks of it.

  Shakily, I closed my small, black notebook and walked down the hallway with the packet of gum. I wasn't going to steal it; I was going to the only person I'd be comfortable asking.

  "H-hey…" I asked through the crack of the door, my head peeking through. He turned around, a slight smirk appeared on his face when he realized it was me.

  "I saw this..." I started while digging the package of gum out of my pocket, holding up the small, yellow package.

  "On one of the shelves… and it wasn't documented… so I was wondering if… I could… have it?" I questioned. He only smiled at this, looking down for a brief moment before looking at me again.

  "Yes. It's actually for you." He stated in an amused tone. I only blinked as a response, I didn't know how to respond. I was extremely confused.

  "I heard you talking to yourself about how much you missed gum. I remembered how amazing Juicy Fruit used to be… and I got it for you." He explained. I looked down at the package in my hand and a small smile had formed on my lips.

  "Although." His voice brought me out of my trance.

  "I told Edward to give it to you the other day. Hm." He hummed to himself before turning back around. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. There was always something about this man that had me speechless. Whether it was something he did or something he said, it always had me at a loss for words.

  I thought I loved him before, but I was wrong. There was always something about him that makes me fall deeper in love with him… and it was driving me crazy that he was ignoring me.

  It was a split second decision, and a stupid one, but I could help it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. The most surprising parts of the past few years was about to happen... he actually kissed me back. He wrapped his arms around my waist and broke the kiss, staring at me.

  "We're going on another run today…" He muttered. I nodded absentmindedly, not really hearing what he was saying due to the haze the kiss had me in.

  "So you'll come with me?" He asked, immediately snapping me out of it. I nodded quickly.

  "Yes. Yeah… I'll go." I told him as I backed toward the door. He smiled at me as I tumbled out of the room, going off into the armory to grab something to defend myself with.

  The only thing I managed to grab was a hunting knife. The guns we had were mainly for show, to get people to give up their stuff quicker, but, truthfully, we were out of ammo. Sadly, when we'd find ammo, they'd use it up. They didn't realize that we had to conserve it until we had a good amount, but, who wants to listen to my suggestions… it could just save our lives one day.

  Chasing away all sarcastic thoughts, I walked to the crowd of people gathered around the table. I stood in the back, where I couldn't see the detailed plan Alpha Wolf had laid out. All I heard was muttering from the table and a sigh from someone behind me.

  "Hon… you should just stay behind. There's no way you're gonna get a glimpse of that plan." The feminine voice said. I turned around and laid my eyes upon a woman who seemed to be only a few years older than me. She was fair-skinned with crimson hair and green eyes.

  "My names Pam." She drawled. I flashed a small, quick smile before turning back around.

  "Wait a minute." Pam started again.

  "Are you that girl that came in here thinking she could sneak in before killing Gary? The one that impressed Alpha W?" She inquired skeptically. I arched an eyebrow.

  "His name was Gary? Sorry, didn't get to exchange formalities." I laughed to myself while shrugging. Then it set in. The thing I should actually be wasting breath talking about. I impressed him.

  The men around the table began to leave and I waved to Pam, saying goodbye. She shook her head and muttered to herself before turning around and heading to where the makeshift gardens were.

  It was almost jarring, finding myself back in the open, in the wild. I was so used to the somewhat cushioned life that I had been living in for the past few weeks. Having the wind and fresh air again was an advantage though. Along with the sounds of the trees rustling in the wind and the crunch of leaves beneath my boots. As far as I knew, it had to be late November or really early December, seeing as it hadn’t snowed yet. But it was quite cold.

  Days passed, along with long restless nights where I would find it hard to fall asleep. Even the short time I had been at Del Arno’s had been enough to make me feel safe, but now? I was extremely worried for not only the wellbeing of myself, but for Alpha as well. The rustling of the wind blowing through the numerous leaves and branches on the trees no longer made me feel happy and at ease, they scared me and caused me to sit up and search the darkness for any of the dangers the world held.  Eventually, I’d find myself staring at him, watching him sleep next to the small glow of the lantern.

  A few days later, we had found ourselves in a nice little gated community. The gates were large and arch shaped, said gate was made of metal bars that towered over us and ominously foretold the future.  The entire journey there I stayed next to Alpha Wolf. There was no way in hell I was leaving his side. Sometimes, I found myself inching nearer to him as he slept, he never woke up but the threat of him waking up never quite bothered me as it should of. It wasn’t like I could sleep as it was, so by dawn I was in my own corner of the camp.

  Alpha Wolf gently knocked on the metal behind the bars of the gate, smiling widely as he waited. After a few moments, his smile faded and he says something that may have seemed harmless, but when he said it… it became bone-chilling.

  “Here piggy piggy.” He calls in a taunting, low tone. The gates split open, revealing a sliver of the neat suburb within. A man had peaked through the gap, dark eyebrows furrowed causing creases to form on his forehead, making him look much older.

  "Who-" The man at the gate hardly had any time to answer, I stepped in front of Alpha and slit the man's throat before pulling the gate open. I felt a gust of wind rush from behind me as the men around me ran off. People began to take out matches, setting the yards on fire, while others began brutally stabbing innocent bystanders, staining the sidewalks and the clean two-story houses with blood.

  I had set my eyes on a mostly untouched house. While I was unsure of whether it was empty or not, it was still worth a shot. Careful to not draw any attention from the current inhabitants of the home, I rummaged through their things. I found a whole bunch of food that did not require refrigeration, batteries, and a few guns, all loaded. I felt proud of my findings. I went upstairs, to check for more guns, maybe a couple of blankets... but I was greeted by a young girl.

  Her brown eyes wide with fear and her skin pale. She clutched onto a blanket in her hand. I stopped dead in my tracks. She seemed so small and fragile compared to me, and I quickly found myself kneeling beside her.

  "W-who are-" She stopped as she looked behind me. Clearly whoever was behind me was taller, cause her head was slightly tilted more than it was when she was staring at me.

  “What are you looking at?” I asked. When she didn’t answer, I stood up. Her behavior was weird, but I would assume that she was taught to stay quiet when around things that could kill her, and the blood on my face probably didn’t make her more comfortable around me.

  Alpha Wolf had stepped out from behind me, knife raised as he grabbed onto her arm and bent down to her level. The scene, while moving quickly, was terrifying and would be something that stayed with me through my entire journey. She let out a shriek that caused me to act.

  "N-no!" I shouted, grabbing onto his arm. He looked up at me slowly.

  "Y-you can't kill her. Please." He shook his head and sighed.

  "Jean..." He starts. I furrow my eyebrows and stare at him sternly.

  "Everyone here is dead. They'll turn sooner or later. Killing her is for the best, we both know she won't survive out there, nor will she survive in here." He explains. Tears filled my eyes as I nodded. He sighs and gestures for someone to come to him.

  "Edward… please take care of this." He orders as he walks to me. Tears had finally escaped my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me, turning me around so I was facing the wall and he was holding me from the side. I took a shaky breath as he kissed my temple.

  "Close your eyes." He whispered. I did as he said, but my closed eyes weren't going to help muffle or even silence the bloodcurdling scream that came from the little one. It really was for the best though, cause within these few weeks, I had gotten to know these people and their leader, and I knew that Alpha Wolf wouldn't have allowed me to take her back with me. She was too young and could get us all killed if she were to make a mistake.

  It truly was a mercy killing. He had a reason to do this, he wasn’t heartless, he knew she wouldn’t be safe. Even though I had told myself all of these things, there was still an aching feeling in my heart. It hurt knowing that she was so young and it hurt knowing that we could have taken her back with us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay..I just want to make this clear..Jean would never had felt this way if Owen(Alpha Wolf) hadn't told her it was for the best! He is manipulating her right now soo...ya. Just thought I should make that clear. Byyyyeeeee!


	5. One and only

No one heard a word out of me for the first quarter of the way back. I wasn't sure if anyone noticed, though. Not that I cared or anything.   
  For some strange reason, I decided to trail behind. I could barely look these people in the eye. While I knew that killing that little girl was for the best, it still didn't feel right. I felt awful. To think that I was that close to taking in a child, raising one as my own, but had it ripped away from me.   
'God I hate Edward..and his stupid dirty face..and his stupid dirty hair..and how he stupidly listens to Alpha W-' I gasped at the thought of Alpha Wolf. It was his decision too. He was the one who gave Edward the order, but I couldn't bring myself to hate him. He was the leader, after all. He knew what was best for the group.   
   I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize that Alpha W, as Pam liked to call him, had fallen behind with me. I kept staring at the ground, kicking the gravel under my boots.   
"Go back up there. You're too valuable. No one'll care if I get bitten." I claimed, crossing my arms and looking up at him. My eyes meeting with his dark, coal-like eyes.   
"Why? I'm sure they wouldn't care. Edward would know what to do if I were to-"   
"Stop. I really don't want to think about that right now." I sighed. He smiled at this and stopped walking, grabbing my wrist. I huffed, looking away, trying to avoid any eye contact.   
"Jean..." He trailed off, a hand on the tip of my chin. He attempted to get me to look at him, but ultimately failed. Every time he got me to look at him, I looked in the other direction.  
"Jean look at me." He demanded, this time wasting no time by putting his hands on my cheeks, holding my head in place. I had tears in my eyes, and I didn't want him to see them. I could tell that he did though, his eyes widened slightly when he saw my sorrowful face, my teary eyes.   
Even though I saw his lips moving, I couldn't hear him. It went through one ear and out the other. I was too caught up in my own little world, I couldn't even tell what was happening to myself. I barely felt the tears trickling down my face. I only noticed that I had been crying when he wiped the tears away.   
I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder, crying my eyes out. I was sure that I would be dehydrated later, and with that would come an awful headache, but it was worth it. I needed this. 

*The Wolf's POV*

  I couldn't afford to lose someone like her, I needed to make sure she'd do anything for me. She seemed to be giving up, I couldn't have that.   
  "Jean, listen to me, that needed to happen. Look at it this way, she's free now." I smiled at her. She didn't respond, only stared.   
  "She doesn't have to live in this awful world anymore. Jean. We need you here. I need you." I told her, hoping that saying this would push her closer to being under my thumb. I was caught by surprise when a single tear trickled down her cheek. I ran my thumb along her cheek, wiping it away. Her eyes flicked upward for a moment, and she immediately collapsed into my arms, crying into my shoulder.  
  "I-I'm sorry. I know that y-you're right. You always are." She muttered. I smirked, pushing her away slightly.  
  "We should catch up." I suggested, grabbing her wrist. I was a step closer to having my own stone cold killer. I have to plan my actions out carefully, make sure she falls deeply in love, then she'd do anything for me.

  *Jean's POV*

  He grabbed my wrist, pulling me along the way. I couldn't stop the blush that slowly crept onto my cheeks. I mindlessly followed him as we passed through the thick forest, cutting around our own group. I furrowed my eyebrows, staring at him in confusion.  
  "They're over there..." I trailed off, pointing toward the west where the trail was. I could still hear the shuffling of our group, the subtle clank of metal.   
  He glanced back at me, not uttering a word, only placing a finger over his lips. He had told me to be quiet. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. The noise from our group soon faded as we ventured deeper into the woods. It was almost impossible to see the trail and I knew that the group was far behind us. Next thing I knew, he had put me in front of a tree and took off in the direction of the trail. I was too confused to yell at him, too caught up in my own world of thoughts.   
  Soon, it became dark, and I had found myself still by the tree, sitting in my own misery. It didn't seem like he was coming back, meaning I was on my own again. I buried my face in my knees. The only warm articles of clothing I had were my long socks, which I was currently shoving my forearms into. A chill was sent down my spine, which was not helping my current situation.  
  The sounds of rustling leaves echoed from all around me. Even if I wanted to run off and go back, I couldn't. Cause I had no fucking idea where I was! I wouldn't know what direction I'd be going in cause it all sounds and looks the fucking same!   
  Anger had began to rise from deep within me as I shot up. I grabbed the small switchblade from my sock and started to venture forward. A glare seemed to be permanently carved into my face as I clenched my jaw, practically stomping as I moved. I answered the growls coming from beside me with a knife plunging deep into the source's forehead, repeatedly stabbing. Eventually my hand came into contact with the rotting flesh of the walker, but I didn't stop. My knife may have been missing, but I wouldn't stop.  
  "How dare he leave me!" I shrieked, still beating in the head of the dead. I took a deep breath and stepped away.  
  "I-" I stopped, staring down at it.   
  "What am I going to do?" I asked myself while wiping a tear away. I had barely gotten to know him, and I knew I was in love. Despite all that he had put me through, especially this, I still love him. He was always going to be my one and only, and there was nothing I could do about it. Was I going to get over him after leaving? Probably not. So much had changed for me, and yet here I was, back to where I started. Back to the way it was before I met them. Before I met him.


	6. Over The Edge

  The dead leaves crunched beneath my stomping boots. My tank top stuck to my torso in an uncomfortable way due the the walker guts and blood it was currently drenched in. My breathing was erratic and I knew that I wasn't thinking straight. Who knew that a simple action like that would've pushed me over the edge like this.  
  A distant glow came into view. I smelt smoke and followed the strong sent, moving closer to the yellow gleam. A chattering sound caught my attention. I stopped stomping around for a brief moment to listen, and eventually heard a scream. I ran toward the source of the sound before realizing that there was more than one person. From the sound of it, there seemed to be two more people. One of the voices infuriated me.  
I gripped my knife's handle tightly. So tightly, in fact, that it was enough for my long, unclipped fingernails to dig into the soft flesh of my hand. I then stood behind the nearest tree, waiting for them.  
  "It's either you get lost, or you join your friend over here. We don't have any supplies, that's why we have so little people." A voice claimed. I furrowed my eyebrows, these people must've ventured too close to their camp and caught their attention.  
  "He'll do nicely. Maybe we'll have enough to get through the next month." The voice spoke again. My heartbeat sped up, they were... I couldn't even finish that thought. I peaked from behind the tree to watch the scene unfold. They moved again, this time approaching Alpha Wolf. I glared and moved quickly, going behind this asshole's men, slitting their throats one by one.  
  "You seem like you'd be perfect as well." The man started. I panicked. While yes, I was mad at him, I didn't want him to die at the hands of someone else. If anything it'd have to be me that killed him. Not some dumbass cannibal. As quickly as I could, I plunged my knife into the man's side. He slowly turned his head to look at me before collapsing to the ground, screaming about his side. I grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up at me.  
  "Threaten him like that again, and I'll gouge your tongue out with a spoon. Got it?" I asked. The man didn't answer, he only looked at me with a pained expression and replied with heavy breathing. I gripped his jaw and squeezed.  
  "Speak when you're spoken to asshole! Do you fucking understand?!" I asked again. He nodded.  
  "Y-yes." He stuttered. I let go of his jaw and turned away.  
  "Good." I stated simply before turning away, not bothering to mention the reanimated corpses of his men that were crawling towards him. The sounds of his blood curdling screams filled the night as his men ate him alive. I didn't bother to look behind me, the asshole fucking deserved it. The auburn haired man that stood next to A.W. rushed to put the walkers down.  
  "Jean... you're alive. And unharmed. It's a miracle." I glared at him before swiping at him with my knife. I swiped at him, stabbed at him, tried to hurt him in any way. That is, until I was tackled.  
  "Jean. Look at me." I refused, still kicking and trying to hurt him.  
  "Fuck you." I spat, trying to break out of his grasp. His happy facade faded into a confused look.  
  "What-why all the hostility, my dear?" He asked. I huffed, giving up and glaring at him.  
  "You know why. Stop acting innocent, I'm sure your follower knows just how much of a fucking monster you are." I told him, feeling tears well up in my eyes. He let go of one of my wrists and used it to caress my cheek, chuckling lowly to himself.  
  "Jean. That was a test. To see if you'd go back or if you'd leave." He looked up and toward the campsite.  
  "Obviously you were loyal enough to wander back toward the base." He uttered. I furrowed my eyebrows and immediately felt the guilt settle in. Then it hit me, he still didn't trust me.  
  "So you still didn't trust me..?" I asked in a volume barely above a whisper. His gaze was still fixated on the close-by campsite.  
  "Arno." He called. The man beside him with auburn hair straightened up.  
  "Go back to the camp, I'll catch up." He stated before turning his attention back to me. Arno nodded and began his short journey back to the camp. Alpha W immediately picked me up, practically cradling me in his arms as he made his way back to the camp.  
  "As a reward for you being such a good girl..." He started. As he spoke his breath tickled my neck, but I was anything but amused. If anything I was disappointed in myself. I was a psychiatrist before all of this, you'd think I would've figured out his plan already, but no. I couldn't. And I almost killed him over it.  
  "I think we'll have some well deserved fun tonight. What do you say?" He whispered seductively. I took a deep, shaky breath and wriggled in his grasp.  
  "Please p-put me down." And just like that, all of the trust built up between us was gone. Between me stuttering and then him refusing to put me down, there was something broken that-I feared-could not be fixed. My next action, would've set this in stone.  
  My hand flew up at an alarming speed, making contact with his face with enough strength to cause him to stumble. With wide eyes, he looked down at me, and I kept my stern and demanding expression.  
  "Put me down." I commanded. I felt the tears again as he gently placed me back on the ground. I had to muster up the courage to speak, to tell him what he had put me through.  
  "Look, I-I would go back with you and mess around until the sun came up but... I can't. Not after what you put me through, and not after I tried to kill you. Cause that's what I tried to do. I was going to kill you. If you still think I was as  loyal as you said earlier, then that had to have changed something." He looked down for a brief moment, only to look back up at me with a devilish look.  
  "That doesn't change anything." He said as he walked closer. I sighed, my breathing became erratic once again and the urge to cry became overwhelming.  
  "Listen to me!" I shouted, making him stop dead in his tracks. At this point, I was crying. I was practically sobbing.  
  "I was going to hurt you! Don't you get it?! You left me! Again! Why-how can you sit there and act as if what you did wasn't wrong?! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I ranted as I slid down the trunk of a tree. While my face was buried in my knees and the rest of my senses were dull due to the intense emotion I felt, I knew he was walking towards me. I didn't bother to look up, I didn't have to.  
  "I didn't know... I didn't want this to happen to you." He told me as he crouched beside me. My heart ached because I knew I loved him. There was no other way around it. If I didn't, this whole ordeal wouldn't be as much of a problem as it is now. I couldn't leave him, and it hurt that he could leave me so easily.  
  I didn't say much. I only threw myself into his arms and cried. I cried my eyes out, muttering things that could barely be considered words. He held me tightly, bringing me closer to him, trying to make sense of what I was saying. Eventually, the right words surfaced and sent us both into a silent shock.  
  "I love you. I'm sorry that I love you. But I need you." I told him. He said nothing, he only continued to hold me.  
  "You almost died... and I couldn't stand the thought of living without you." I continued. Suddenly, as I remembered what I did, I felt a fear build up from deep within me. But I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of myself.  
  "I know. It's okay. He's gone and I'm not going anywhere." He reassured me. He finally let go of me, looking at me with a loving expression.  
  "Lets go back to the camp." He told me as he helped me up. I smiled and nodded, gripping his hand even when I was on my feet.  
  I looked back at the corpses that were just a few feet away. They were like that because of me. In all fairness though, they really shouldn't have threatened my man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So while yes, Negan is in the tags for this story, he's not in it yet. This story is very much centered around the Wolves, so he's not going to show up for a while. But, I did really like the part where she basically quotes him. Jean has officially gone down a dark path, but it only gets darker from here ;)   
>   There really isn't a schedule for publishing on this story so... just bear with me. Cause I have so many ideas but I have to go through filler chapters and the first half are hard to write because we never got to see much of the Wolves or their comic counterparts which are The Scavengers.   
>   Luckily, that gives me some freedom and I can write a character without fear of making them too ooc. Like, when it comes to Owen (Alpha Wolf) if he's acting nice, don't believe it. Just trust me for now on that one.   
>   Until next time  
> -Harleen


	7. Anything

  The warm glow from the small fire in front of me was enough to convince myself that I had made the right decision. I was back where I belonged, that I was sure of. Even though I had attempted to kill the man I was currently curling into, he made me feel secure and happy, he made me feel complete. If that wasn't true, pure love, then I wasn't sure what was. After the slaughter of that asshole and the rest of his men, A.W. and I collected their supplies, which included tents and sleeping bags. Of course, this meant that we didn't have to sleep on the ground anymore. Everyone spent the last twenty minutes putting up their tents before eventually retiring for the night. Only A.W. and I were left awake.

  As he stood to put out the fire, I grabbed my bag, standing as well and ready to go to bed. In all honesty, I was glad to be back. I couldn't stand the thought of having to go back to roughing it again. When you're in the luxury of being in a group with a base and supplies, you don't ever think about going back to being alone, in the open and vulnerable. Man, I wished I didn't take people for granted before all of this, I wished I hadn't ignored those closest to me, I wish I could've said goodbye. 

  I followed A.W. into the last uninhabited tent, meaning we had to share. Not that I cared or anything, I was perfectly fine with it. He held the entrance opened and I scurried inside. These tents were spacious and had a red and black aesthetic. A.W. was still outside for some reason, so I decided to be a little nosy. I placed my bag next to his, unzipping his bag and going through it. There were very few things that caught my eye, it was mainly just food, water etc. But then, I saw it, flaunting itself in front of my glistening eyes as I realized that he wasn't completely cut off from his humanity. 

  The thick, beige spine of the book had hand-stitched words written down it in a maroon thread. As I pulled it out of his bag, I noticed that the same words were stitched on the front; "Our family." My mind instantly wondered if he were married before this, but it was quickly dismissed when I opened the book and saw a picture of a man and a woman, both with brown hair and brown eyes. The woman was to the left of the man and her hair and eyes seemed to be of a lighter color. They were both smiling and were leaned in. The woman held a picture in her hand that had words scribbled on it that I couldn't make out, but I could tell that the picture was from an ultrasound. The next page displayed the picture the woman was holding up, the words weren't just words, they were a name. Owen Samuel Lewis.

  As I frantically turned the pages, I realized that this Owen from the second page, was our leader. He's the man I fell in love with, and I didn't know his name until now, I barely knew anything about him until now. There were pictures of him as a toddler etc. There was a picture in front of his driveway with a younger girl next to him, she had lighter brown hair up in two buns. She wore a dark blue sweater and a skirt of the same color. The caption underneath read "Owen's first day of third grade and Allison's first day of school." I froze. He had a sister? Was she here? Was she alive? Did she care that her brother was alive? I decided that this was enough snooping for tonight and it was time to put everything back so he wouldn't find out. 

  When I finally laid down, Owen came in, and I stiffened up. How was I going to address him from now on? Alpha Wolf in public but Owen in private? Does he even care for that name anymore? Thoughts like this flooded my mind as he laid beside me, eyeing me hungrily. I knew what this meant, and I wasn't up for it, especially with what I just learned. Hell, with the person that he is, I was almost sure he had killed his family himself. He pulled me closer to him, his lips only a short distance from mine as he continued to stare down at me with that look that practically screamed the lyrics from Closer by Nine Inch Nails. I attempted to move out of his grip, but that only made things worse. 

  "I just want to go to bed, please." I told him as I struggled in his grasp. He only smirked at this.

  "You are in bed." He quipped. I glared up at him and sighed, shaking my head.

  "You know that's not what I meant. I want to go to sleep." I told him as I rolled over in his arms, facing away from him. He moved my hair away from my neck, kissing from behind my ear down to where my neck and shoulder met. I rolled my eyes, the exhaustion finally taking its toll on my overworked body. He still continued, letting his hands roam, and me being the idiot I was, I spoke up.

  "Owen stop." It took a few moments for me to realize what I had said. His silence and lack of continuing in case he was ignoring me was enough to help me realize what I had done, and as soon as I realized my little mistake, my eyes shot open. I had just called him by a name he-most likely-hadn't heard in years. One that he may not want to remember.

  "Did you just-" He didn't finish, he sat up, placing a hand over his mouth out of shock. His eyes were as wide as the moon as he stared down at me. I felt awful, I had no idea what memories that name could have spawned for him, it just slipped out. Next thing I knew, I was on my back and his hands were around my neck as he straddled my waist.

  "Where did you hear that name?" He inquired angrily as he squeezed tightly. I weakly pointed to his bag, tapping his left hand with my other hand. He loosened his grip enough to let me speak.

  "The... book." I gasped. His hands left my neck and he stormed over to the bag in the corner. Soon he was flipping through the pages I had been studying earlier, tears making his eyes glisten in the low light of the lantern. His eyes closed briefly as he closed the book, gripping the edges tightly. I stood, slowly approaching him.

  "Who were they? Who are you?" I asked, placing my hand on his shoulder. He turned his head slightly before answering. 

  "You were right, about my name. They were my parents and my sister. When all of this started, I went back to my parent's house... they were gone. This was all I could manage to bring back." He explained as he held up the scrapbook. An aching feeling crept into my heart as I realized that he lost his family.

 "What about your sister." I inquired curiously. He shook his head.

  "I don't know. By the time we ran into each other again... it was too late. I-I scared her off." He told me. My eyes stung as tears began to fill them.

  "She found me, like this. I wanted her and my nephew to join us, but she..." He stopped. 

  "She what?"

 "She called me a monster, said that she'd rather die than become one of us." For a moment, it felt as if the emotion was radiating off of us and it felt almost as if it were suffocating me. I was well aware that I was crying at this point, I felt awful for him. Just when I thought I couldn't fall for this man more...

  "I-I'm so sorry. If I had known-" I began, but he held a hand up.

  "It isn't your fault, you didn't know." He told me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, resting my head on him.

  "Just know that I'm here for you. Always. I'd do anything for you." I told him. He smiled sweetly at me and placed his hand on my cheek.

  "Call me Owen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the first few paragraphs on this one have little meaning and I'm annoying myself because that's how most of these CHAPTERS are. A lot of these chapters are just filler chapters and it's literally killing me! We might not have The Wolves as the main focus pretty soon cause I have NOTHING! I have no clue what I'm going to write about with these guys. I just wrote about their attack on Shirewilt Estates a couple chapters ago so I might rush this story line even though I don't want to. But, I do like the chapters where she's going through the scrapbook and actually learns more about Alpha Wolf, or as we know him now, Owen. I talked about Allison, who I based off of Jervis's sister in Gotham. And Jervis is played by the same guy who played Owen... We'll be seeing Allison later on. Alexandria should be coming up really soon as well as a few new character and...NEGAN!! But that won't be for at least 10 to 15 chapters.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Things are really starting to pick up finally and that makes me happy.


	8. Something New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut in this chapter. You have been warned.

  Owen leaned forward closing the gap between us, pressing his lips to mine in a-surprisingly-gentle way. I kissed back, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning back, allowing him to hover over me. I ran my tongue along his lower lip before he pulled away. He looked down at me with darkened, coal-like eyes and a slight smile on his face. I ran my fingers through his long, tangled, brown locks as he trailed kisses down my neck and lightly pulled at my disgusting tank top.

  I sat up and pulled my tank top off, flinging it to the other side of the tent. He slipped out of his tattered, greyish-blue coat without breaking contact as he licked and sucked the spot behind my ear. My hands immediately made their way to my shorts, undoing the button and zipper before pulling them down hastily. I then peeled my long socks off, pulling away from Owen for a brief moment, looking up at him with blushing cheeks, panting like a dog in the hot, summer sun, in nothing but my underwear.

  His eyes scanned my form, taking everything in before unclipping my bra and throwing it into some random corner of the tent. I grasped onto his first shirt, tugging it over his head, before laughing. He looked down at me, tilting his head slightly.

  “What?” He panted. I shook my head.

  “Why the fuck are you wearing two shirts?” I laughed. He looked down, huffing for a moment before looking back up at me and shrugging.

  “I have no clue.” He smiled. I giggled once again and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He pulled away for a brief moment to take off his second shirt, before returning to our kiss. He shoved his tongue into my mouth, deepening our kiss as his hands roamed my body, touching and squeezing my breasts, and placing his hands on my hips in order to pull me closer. I wrapped my legs around his waist and waited for him to pull his jeans down. He gripped my underwear and tugged the garment down my legs. He pulled away, his hands trailing down to his jeans to unbutton them painstakingly slow. I glared up at him.

  I looked away for a split second, a little frustrated with his teasing, and next thing I knew I was moaning and clawing at Owen’s back. His head dipped into the crook of my neck as he groaned at the contact. He began to thrust at a slow pace, giving us enough time to become accustom to each other. As he picked up the pace, he moved his head to my shoulder biting down causing me to shiver in pleasure. I found it hard to contain my cries of pleasure as he animalistically-for lack of a better term-made love to me. In all honesty, I felt bad for the rest of our group who were trying to sleep in the close-by tents, but I couldn’t help it.

  As Owen focused on other places on my body, all I could do was stare up at the ceiling and occasionally(frequently) roll my eyes upward in pleasure. I thrusted my hips, matching Owen’s pace, feeling as if I were on the verge of exploding with pleasure. My moaning became louder as my inner walls contracted, and I clutched onto his shoulders, my nails digging into his soft flesh. He picked up his pace yet again, if that was even possible. It was all too much for me, I felt drained by the time I had come.

  “I’m almost there, baby…” He uttered, slamming into me at an inhuman speed. I panted and stifled a whiny moan, pushing myself up on my elbows and dangling my head back, exposing my neck to my lover. He lifted his head for a moment to brush his hair out of his face before noticing my current position and took advantage of it, attacking my neck with kisses and bites.

  “Oh fuck.” He muttered into my neck, his facial hair tickling at the sensitive skin. He stifled a loud groan as he twitched within me, spilling himself inside me. We spent the next few moments catching our breath, him still inside of me, still hovering over me. Eventually, he rolled off of me, lying next to me and pulling me closer. He traced the bite mark on my shoulder and observed every little mark he made.

  “Get some rest, we have a long day tomorrow.” He whispered in my ear. I turned around in his grasp, leaning up to kiss him. I gently placed my lips to his for a few moments before pulling away and looking up at him with what could only be considered as doe eyes. He smiled at me and place his hand on my cheek.

 “I love you.” I told him. His smile only grew wider.

 “I… I love you too.” He tapped the bite mark on my shoulder, and I followed his hand as he performed this action. He then lightly grabbed ahold of my chin, tilting my head up so I was looking him in the eye.

 “You’re mine. Everyone should be aware of that now.” He told me, all I could do was nod in response.

  Over the next few weeks, almost every night, Owen and I had been together. We were almost inseparable. I made sure to protect him at all costs, he was my everything, and I would do anything for him. Just a few days after we took the tents, we found perfectly good cots in an abandoned store, there were only two left and Owen had already-basically-called dibs on them for us. I understood why, ever since I came back we had sex almost every night. I wasn’t sure why. Not that I was complaining or anything, I just wanted to know where this sudden libido came from. So, I asked him.

  “Owen?” He looked up from his lap where a book laid. He was fully engrossed in it and I felt bad for interrupting him, but I had to know. I sat up, clutching the thin sheet to my bare chest. He tilted his head like an innocent puppy would.

 “Something wrong?” He asked, sounding genuinely worried. I shook my head. He straightened up.

 “No, I just-“

 “Then can I get back to my book?” He asked impatiently. I huffed, speaking up before he could become immersed in his book again.

 “Why have we been sleeping with each other so often?” I asked, trying to keep this statement from sounding too vulgar. He chuckled to himself as he looked down and began to read once more.

 “Simple. I want to get you pregnant.” My eyes widened and it felt as if the air had become thicker, making it hard for me to breath.

 “What?” I inquired. He looked up again, but this time he didn’t bother to look at me.

 “Let me rephrase. I want to have kids, and I want to have them with you.” I furrowed my eyebrows and bit the inside of my cheek.

 “That’s only about a one percent improvement from what you said in the first place.” I told him bluntly. Why the hell did he want to bring kids into this world anyway?

 “And you only had to ask.” I continued. His head shot up and he looked at me with wide eyes. I stood from the cot, making my way to where he sat. I draped my arms over his shoulders from behind him, leaning toward his ear.

 “As long as it’s with you, I’m fine with it.” I reassured him.

 “But seriously, if you’re gonna do something like that, make sure both parties are aware.” I scolded. I looked over his shoulder at the book he was reading. I skimmed over the page, not actually taking in any of the information on the pages.

 “What are you reading?” I asked out of pure curiosity. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye before answering my simple question.

 “An old history book of mine.” He answered. I furrowed my eyebrows.

 “You were a history nerd?” I asked jokingly. He shook his head with a slight chuckle.

 “You are just full of questions tonight. Yes. Okay? I was a historian before all of this.” He told me. My eyes widened.

 “Surely you jest.” I said as I stood up straight, tapping the back of his lawn chair. He turned around, looking at me with an amused expression.

 “I just find it so funny that you want to have kids with me but I barely know you.” I crossed my arms and looked away.

 “The same could be said for you.” He quipped. I glared at the back of his head.

 “I’m from Long Island, New York. I have a brother named Tony and I was raised by both of my parents. I have a PhD so, technically, I am Dr. Jean. I was briefly a psychiatrist before all of this and my god, do you guys have some problems.” I told him, adding that last part about them having problems as a joke. Even if I weren’t completely wrong.

 “A psychiatrist, huh?”

 “Criminal psychiatrist.” He nodded and continued on with his business. I turned around and made my way back to our cots which were pushed together. As I sat down, I looked at Owen, wondering when he’d come to bed.

 “Owen?” I called out yet again. He looked over at me, head tilted once again. It felt as if I were reliving the same moment from earlier.

 “You coming to bed?” I asked. He smiled sweetly at this before closing his book and placing it on the chair, making his way over to me. He crawled over me and onto the other side, holding me close to him.

 “What’ll we name it? When I get pregnant?” I asked him, looking over my shoulder.

 “I have no clue; did you have something in mind?” He asked with a smile wider than the Cheshire cat. I grasped the hand that rested just above my breasts.

 “I was thinking… if it’s a girl, Allison.” I felt him tighten his embrace, as if just the mention of his sister’s name hurt him.

 “And Bruce if it’s a boy.” I smiled. I was definitely naming my kid after Batman. His thumb rubbed the side of my hand and he tightened his grip once again, this time in a comforting way.

 “I like it. Both of them.” He reassured me. I smiled.

 “So, why the hell do you want kids anyway? Especially in a world like this.” I asked. He smiled at me, kissing my cheek.

 “Cause I love you, and I want my kids to bring something new to this group. And yes, plural.” He explained. I blushed at his words, ‘plural.’ But most importantly, he loved me. And with a request like this, that is the most important factor. To me, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this relationship in the past couple of chapters. It only gets more interesting from here kiddies!! So Jean is kinda taking up a queen-like role in this group and Owen is trying to have kids with her... I think that's kinda cute but that's all I can say about it cause... spoilers.  
> We also learn more about Owen and SOOO much more about Jean. I had the historian idea when I was watching his first scene in the finale of season 5 and he mentioned the wolves and the settlers... I kinda thought 'why the hell not' and kinda went with it.


	9. A Safe Return

  After a few more weeks, we finally made it back to our base, and I was greeted by a familiar red head. Her warm smile made me feel at home as well as her warm embrace. She looked at me and acted with an emotion that could only be described as overjoyed.

  "You're here!" She exclaimed happily. I smiled at her, nodding my head excitedly. She had a handful of flowers in her hand and she was playing with the petals.

  "What'd you think? I'd be dead or something?" I questioned. Pam looked down, picking up a flower and placing it behind my ear. 

  "Wait... were you seriously doubting me?" I inquired. She shook her head.

  "Nah. It's just... newcomers-like you-don't usually last long." She explained. I crossed my arms, not out of offense, but I was intrigued. Did this have anything to do with him leaving me in the woods? Was he actually trying to kill me?

  "What happens?" I asked. She sighed, looking down and letting the crumbled petals fall out of her hand and get caught up in the wind. 

  "Alpha W says that they end up straying from the group and they end up getting killed. I don't know if that's true, I've never gone out there with them, but it's kinda strange that every single one strays from the group." She says as she turns around, heading back toward the gardens. I followed her through the towering vines that hung down from the fences and pipes that ran along the top of the warehouse and over our heads. She had several sunflowers growing in their own little area. Name a flower, and she probably had it. Roses, Marigolds, Violets, Bluebells, etc. It was amazing. She grew plenty vegetables and fruits such as grapes, tomatoes, carrots, and watermelon. It was amazing, it was beautiful. I hadn't laid my eyes on something like this since before the apocalypse. 

  "I mean, there were a few that he brought back, half of them weren't alive, but they came back with them." She explained. I was still distracted by this beautiful grove she had growing behind the warehouse. My fingers traced along the grapes and leafs that hung from the vines overhead. She giggled.

  "It's pretty, isn't it?" She asked rhetorically. I nodded, not really caring that she didn't need an answer. I always thought that most of the food we had was stolen, but I was proven wrong when I finally walked into her gardens. I only saw the entrance and I had no clue how big her garden was. I always thought they gave her a little area for it, but I was wrong.

  "How?" That was all I could say, I was in awe. This was something extremely rare and important to have for the apocalypse. 

  "I was a farmer before all of this. Well, when I was younger. I lived in the country with my parents but, they weren't gardeners like I was. They just wanted the peace and quiet that came with living in the country. I eventually moved out and got a job as a florist in the city, and that's where I met the love of my life." She confessed. I arched an eyebrow as she crouched down, pulling out a weed.

  "Who was it?" I asked. She smiled and pointed outside of the garden briefly.

  "Eddie. Him and I met when he came in looking for flowers to impress this girl. It, obviously, didn't work out for him, but he didn't stop coming back. Eventually, he asked me out, and after a couple of years we got married. Then... it happened." She stopped. I offered a sympathetic smile.

  "I'm sorry." She perked up, arching her eyebrow.

  "Oh. Honey, he's not dead, he works with Alpha W. Edward." She told me. My eyes widened.

  "That guy? Ugh, I'm pretty sure he hates me." I told her bluntly. She only laughed at this, shaking her head as she went back to weeding the garden. 

  "We don't talk much anymore though. Hell, we don't even stay in the same room. He's always off doing something for Alpha W and when he's done and ready to retire for the night, he goes to his own separate room. I did get to talk to him a couple weeks after we were brought here but he seemed... different. I don't know what Alpha W did to him, but he's different. I don't actually care about not talking to him anymore, cause it isn't him." I saw a single tear roll down her face. My heart ached for her, the person she loved was barely a person anymore, and it was Owen's fault.

  "That's worse than him being dead." I muttered. Pam looked up, at this point she was in tears, sniffling.

  "Is it though?" She asked. We sat there in silence as she resumed her task and I pondered her question. If they aren't themselves, and mindlessly follow the word of another, then what separates them from walkers? They just become a hollow shell of what they used to be.

  "Again, Pam, I'm sorry." I apologized. She held her hand up. 

  "It's fine." After she said this, I walked away. I was ashamed of myself, I was in love with the man who had ruined her husband's life.

  We didn't talk much after that conversation in the gardens. All I knew was that Owen had done something to her husband, and it changed him. I was worried that he'd do that to me, as much as I wanted to doubt it, I just couldn't. I felt bad for that stupid asshole, cause I know that he wasn't like that before.  

  The man who I fell for, basically brainwashed people to do his bidding. Anger rushed through me as I made my way to his room, which also served as an office. There was no way in hell I was going to allow him to do what he did to Edward to me or our kids. If and when we have them. 

  I opened the door, not bothering to knock. He was sitting at his desk with his head down and didn't seem to be phased by my presence. I quietly shut the door and made my way towards him. When I finally laid my eyes on his sleeping form, everything that had been coursing through my mind were immediately wiped away. He looked so peaceful, so innocent. There wasn't a chance in hell that I could glance at this and believe everything Pam had told me. And I didn't. I looked over at where the cots were and grabbed the one of the blankets that were piled onto the messy area and gently placed it over his shoulders, leaving a soft kiss on his cheek before turning around, stripping to put on my night dress, and laying on the cots, waiting for him to wake up. I'd talk to him about Pam when he was up for it, now was definitely not the time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to see Pam again and we learn more about her, but will Owen come between Jean and Pam's friendship?  
> I decided to give Edward a bit of a backstory as well cause, again, you don't get to know the Wolves in the show, so I get to create my own canon (headcanon?)! I needed to add some layers to Pammy cause I don't want her to be this one dimensional supportive character, she's going to play a big role in the story and she helps keep Jean grounded. So, when it seems like Jean is getting out of control, Pam's gonna bring her back to reality.  
> So ya, basically, Owen has kinda sorta tortured Edward. That's how I'm gonna write it.


	10. Pup

  My eyes slowly opened after what seemed to be an eternity of slumber. Morning sunlight leaked through the office windows, painting everything with a soft golden hue. The desk where Owen had sat before was now empty, and the blanket was now draped over me. I was in a completely different position than when I fell asleep. When I fell asleep, I was sideways on the bed, with my legs dangling off of the side. Now, I was on the bed completely, my head on the pillows. Normally, I don’t move much when I sleep, but somehow I had completely moved, and I had a feeling I knew who moved me.

  I turned on my side to face the inside of the bed. I was greeted by a head of messy, brown hair. He was facing away from me, but I didn’t care, it didn’t stop me from wrapping my arms around him and curling into the warmth he provided. With a small groan, he turned over, finally facing me. Slowly, he opened his eyes. My heart fluttered as his confused look faded into a smile as he wrapped his arms around my waist. My hands wandered to his chest.

  “Morning, pup.” He mused. I arched an eyebrow, interested in where this new name came from.

  “Pup?” I questioned. Owen shook his head with a small smile.

  “You’re cute but I’ve seen the things you’ve done. You’re like a puppy, you’re cute but deadly.” I smiled at this reason, looking up at him.

  “And I’d use it to help you-protect you-never to hurt you.” He smiled at me once again, kissing my forehead.

  “Damn right.” He muttered. I giggled as I curled up next to him, and everything felt… normal. There was a sense of normalcy to this exact moment. Us waking up, holding each other and laughing to ourselves. It felt as if the apocalypse wasn’t happening out there, beyond this building, beyond our room. Of course, it wouldn’t last long. He had things to do, as did I.

  I slid out from his grasp, sitting up and grabbing my bra and tank top off of the edge of the cot followed by my shorts which resided on the floor. As I peeled out of my black nightdress, I could practically feel his gaze. I didn’t completely strip out of the dress, I only took the top part off, exposing my breasts so I could put my bra on, before taking the rest of the dress off. I slipped into my shorts and pulled on my tank top before walking toward the door.

  “Jean.” He called out. I turned around, glancing at him. He was still laying on his side, one arm supporting his head while the other laid in front of him.

  “Don’t bother going back to your room tonight.” He told me. I smiled, knowing what he meant.

  “I’ll go get my stuff.” I sighed, opening the door and walking down the hall toward an old janitor supply closet that I called home. I dug into my pocket, looking for the key. After I had unlocked the door, I grabbed my black knee-socks and black combat boots, sitting down on the blankets in the small room that I called a bed to put these articles of clothing on, followed by the footwear. I stood, grabbing my bag and opening the door so I could collect the blankets. Although I wasn’t showing it, I was ecstatic. Owen wanted me to stay with him.

  I was practically skipping down the hall, luckily, barely anyone comes down here. I gripped onto my bag with both hands, my old key hanging off of my finger. I burst through his door, placing my stuff on the floor before standing up straight again. Owen was lacing up his boots, getting ready to do whatever it was he did when we weren’t raiding other communities.

  He stood up, walking over to his desk, opening one drawer and leaving it open. It was a bit bigger than a regular, pre-apocalypse dresser’s drawers. He pointed to the drawer.

  “You can keep your stuff in here.” He told me, I responded with a simple nod. He then opened a drawer on the opposite side, removing something so rare, something someone would kill over. He removed a bottle of clean water.

  “Stay here today. I have stuff to do.” He told me as he stuffed the water bottle in a small bag. I furrowed my eyebrows.

  “Owen, I’m not going to sit around all day and wait for you, wherever you go I go too.” I told him sternly. He shook his head.

  “I’m going out to look for supplies. I’ll be gone for a couple days, you’re in charge for now.” My eyes widened. Was I taking over Edward’s roll?

  “Does this mean I’m your right hand gal?” I asked hopefully. He shook his head.

  “No, pup. Edward is coming with me.” I huffed, looking away.

  “Okay, fine.” I pouted, only causing Owen to laugh in response. I ignored his reaction and let him leave, if following him into the hall, outside of the warehouse, and to the gates counted as letting him leave. I’ll admit it, I wasn’t going to leave his side until he was outside of the fences.

  “I won’t let you down, darling!” I shouted as he left the base. My heart dropped as he disappeared from sight. I put on my best poker face as I turned around, ready to rule this place with an iron fist. I walked back to our room, head tilted slightly upward for no particular reason whatsoever. As soon as I got to our door, I stopped. Why rule from the room when I could observe what the others did?

  I made it into the warehouse, where the guns and stolen food were kept. I noticed that in my absence, another person had taken my position. This raised so many red flags in my head, but me being the moron I was, I ignored them and continued on with my business for the day. I ended up having to kill a man who went snooping near the walker traps, and we just couldn’t have that. If one person were to trigger those traps without Owen being here, it’d be game over for the weak ones here.

  My last stop of the day would be the gardens. I wanted to talk to Pam again, I still felt bad about what happened, but I can’t bring myself to confront Owen about it. I felt as if I were failing her to an extent, but I feared failing Owen more. I want him to realize that I’m good enough to replace Edward, maybe by doing so I could return him to Pam, so they could be happy again.  I pushed through the natural curtain the grapevines made and looked around. Pam was nowhere to be found.

  “Pammy?” I called. Next thing I knew, I saw her leaving the side of the warehouse with an empty crate in her arms. I smiled widely.

  “Jean? What are you doing here?” She asked while placing the crate on the ground. She got to her knees and started pulling up the carrots. Placing each one in the crate next to her.

  “I was…” I stopped as I watched her slave over the small patch of dirt.

  “You need some help?” I inquired. She stopped for a moment and looked up at me, squinting her eyes as the last bit of sunlight from the reddish gold setting sun hit her face. A friendly smile made its way to her face.

  “I’d love some help.” She told me. I knelt down with her, pulling up the carrots and laying them in the crate. I looked over at her.

  “So you collect this stuff for us. That’s generous of you.” She chuckles to herself.

  “It really isn’t that big of a deal. It’s just important that we have food, like, more than non-perishables. Something that actually tastes good.” She says as she holds up a carrot. I smile to myself and wonder how someone so selfless could end up in a group full of people who were so selfish.

  “I suppose I do this for Edward, considering I have no control over what he does anymore. I just want to make sure he eats something that I know is fresh. I can’t control what he does and how he lives, that’s all I can do.” She explains. I felt the guilt again, but I shook it away.

  “Welp, looks like we’re done!” I exclaimed as I hurried to my feet, trying my best to change the subject. Pam looked up at me with a smile.

  “I guess you’re right.” She states as she stands. She wipes her hands on her beige pants before removing her dark green gardening gloves and placing them on the wooden frame of the carrot garden. She sighs and goes to lift the crate. I shook my head and grabbed it before she did.

  “I’ll carry it in.” I told her. She smiled and opened an old filing cabinet that sat between the fence and the building.

  “I’m almost out of seeds. I asked Edward to find some for me but I’m doubting he’ll do it.” She muttered to herself. _‘Next time I go out, Pam, next time. I promise.’_ I thought to myself. After I had brought the crate of carrots back to the warehouse, I went back to our room. I turned on the small lantern, immediately filling the room with a low, soft glow that was very comforting to me. As I changed, I wondered if I would be able to sleep tonight. How could I sleep knowing he was out there with only one other person? How could I sleep knowing that the love of my life is in constant danger when he isn’t here?


	11. The Tests

  It was a beautiful, chilly, early morning the day Owen returned to me. I was thrilled; overjoyed! I had news. Big news. I just had to find a way to put it. Weeks ago, Pam had pointed something out that was particularly strange, even by apocalypse standards.

  ~Flashback~

  I was making my way into the gardens, crossing the courtyard and the busy men and women who were left behind to work on making room for the new stuff. I watched as a man carried a crate full of wool and fleece coats walked by, struggling slightly with the heavy box. I rushed to his side.

  “Here.” I said as I lifted the other end of the crate. I began to walk backwards, us guiding each other to the small room in the back of the warehouse. The man smiled and wiped his forehead off, careful not to run his rough, gloved hand over the fresh wounds on his forehead. I eyed the guy.

  “Are you new or something?” I asked. The man nodded.

  “They found me a couple days ago, someone walked me back here; carved into my forehead.” He pointed at the red, glistening wound. It seemed as if his wound was still trying to heal itself. I nodded before excusing myself. As I left the building, I managed to clumsily bumped into someone.

  “Sorry.” I muttered with my head lowered. A pair of gloved hands made their way to my shoulders and a pair of beige pants along with dark green sneakers came into view. I looked up to meet Pam’s green, worry-filled eyes.

  “Hey hon. It’s okay, you weren’t looking and, quite frankly, I wasn’t paying attention.” She reassured me. I smiled up at her.

  “I was just coming to see you.” I told her. She walked inside and I followed her, slightly interested in where she was headed to. We talked along the way about small things we enjoyed before the apocalypse. She mentioned reading.

  “The first Hunger Games was one of my favorites…” She uttered. My eyes widened in shock.

  “Really? I don’t know… you’ve always struck me as a _‘The Day of the Triffids’_ kinda girl.” I told her. She simply crossed her arms and looked at me, stopping in her tracks.

  “Oh ha ha. I get it, cause I love plants, right?” She asked me sarcastically. I shook my head.

  “No. It’s because you seem like the kinda girl who would curl up after a long day in the gardens and read a science fiction novel that just happens to involve plants.” I told her nonchalantly. She sighed and continued on.

  “What was your favorite book?” She inquired. I raised a hand.

  “Book series, my friend.” I said. She arched an eyebrow.

  “A song of Ice and Fire.” I answered finally. She nodded as she opened a locked closet. The closet consisted of various shades of pinks and purples along with plenty of white. I had finally figured out where we were.

  “Why are we in here?” I asked as Pam skimmed along one of the shelves, digging her hand into one of the bags and pulling three sanitary pads out.

  “Why do you think, Jean? You should grab some too. You never know when it’s coming, especially nowadays.” She told me. I shook my head, holding my hands up as she held one out.

  “I’m good. If anything I should’ve gotten it last week, but it was always kinda… irregular.” Pam eyed me suspiciously, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to one leg.

  “Really? You sure something ain’t up? From what I’ve heard you’ve been taking some… strange combinations of food.” She told me. I turned around feeling the blush paint my cheeks, my face heating more by the second.

  “Hm. I haven’t noticed.” I lied. I just thought I was gaining an appetite or something. All signs were pointing to something else. She shook her head.

  “Too bad we don’t have a doctor. I would’ve marched you straight down there by now.” She told me as she walked right past me. I furrowed my eyebrows. All I could think about was the possibility that I was pregnant.

  ~Present~

  There was no doubt in my mind that I was pregnant, from the morning sickness to the weird cravings, I knew, but I still needed absolute proof. There I was, slaving over-what was soon to be-a small lettuce garden with Pam. She was still worried for me, but I reassured her. She didn’t have to worry until I knew.

  I pulled up yet another weed that grew within the dirt box, as I liked to call it. Pam always got mad at me when I called it that, telling me I shouldn’t see it for what it is but for what it’ll become. And while yes, it is quite wise and extremely good advice, I wasn’t too pleased with how messy this future garden was, so out of spite I called it a dirt box.

  Pam returned with water she had collected from the small brook nearby and poured it all over the now bare dirt patch, which then became a mud patch. I sighed, standing and stretching. There were subtle pops in my neck as I rolled it to the left, before switching to the right.

  “They’re back… Alpha W’s looking for you.” Pam told me in a tone barely above a whisper. My heart leapt in my chest out of excitement and nervousness. I was going to have to go on my own run soon, my requests would ruin the potential surprise for Owen. Therefore, I must go on my own.

  I ran into the warehouse, ready to embrace my beloved. I searched every corner, making sure he wasn’t there. When I turned the corner to face a familiar hallway, I saw Edward, who stood ominously against a wall with a scowl on his face. I furrowed my eyebrows and cautiously approached. I moved around him awkwardly, trying my best to get to the room without upsetting him. As I got closer to the door, he grabbed my arm.

  “He’s in there waiting for you.” Edward tells me. I looked over at the door and pointed toward it.

  “That’s where I was going.” I laughed nervously as he let me go. He went back to brooding as I walked away, hurrying toward the door. I practically slammed it shut, my breathing became jagged even though I had only speed walked a few feet to the door. My irrational fear of the silent Edward had set my heart at a pace that worried me.

  “Jean?” I turned around to face my dear, sweet Owen, throwing myself into his grasp and nuzzling into his chest. My fear had been pulled away as I settled into his loving embrace.

  “I missed you.” I told him. He simply ran his hand along the top of my head, eventually lacing his fingers in my curly, knotted hair. I looked up at him, a small smile on my face. But this was quickly wiped away when I remembered. He let go of me, walking over to the desk and placing a few things within one of his drawers.

  “Owen…” I called out. He turned around, an eyebrow raised. The room suddenly felt warmer under his gaze.

  “I love you.” I said simply, completely shaking my thought away. I wanted to ask him about going on a solo run, but I knew he’d tell me no or request to go with me and I couldn’t have that. He said nothing after my cover comment, all he did was kneel down underneath the desk and fish something out from under it. When he stood, he held something in one hand, keeping it hidden from my view. As I approached, he turned and held it horizontally across both of his hands. A sledgehammer with a wooden handle and a dark metal for the hammer.

  I ran my fingers along the handle, smiling widely, my breath had been taken away. I traced along the end of the handle where there was a simple carving that said _Jean._ I looked up at Owen, tears in my eyes. He smiled down at me, a look of pure amusement and love in his eyes. I grabbed the hammer from his hands, getting used to its weight as I backed up, swinging it at some pretend enemy before swinging it up to rest on my shoulder.

  “Do you like it?” He asked. I let out a breathy laugh.

  “Like it? I love it!” I shouted happily, lunging forward and embracing Owen once again. He gently pushed me away, still holding onto my shoulders and staring at me before pointing at my hammer.

  “I carved on it, had to make sure people knew it was yours.” He explained. I looked down at it, smiling and enjoying the moment as I rested my head on his chest. Later that night, as I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling as Owen softly snored next to me, I contemplated leaving while he slept. I didn’t want to, I didn’t want him to think I left him, left the group. I wouldn’t dream of it.

  My mind had been made up by the time I was dressed, a backpack hanging off of one shoulder, and my sledgehammer in my right hand. I grabbed a few supplies from our inventory before beginning my journey. The halls in the old warehouse were empty and quiet, I was the only one awake. As I crossed the courtyard, I heard the muffled growls from the walkers trapped within the numerous parked trucks.

  The moon was full that night, shining through the distant trees and completely painting the courtyard and garden a pale blue color. I took a moment to take in the beauty that was displayed before me. The wind picked up suddenly, sending a chill down my spine. I shook my head and turned around, ready to leave and search for what I needed.

  “Jean?” I heard a familiar voice say in barely a whisper. I turned around and saw Pam, jumping slightly.

  “Shit.” I muttered. She furrowed her eyebrows as she studied my appearance, a small frown forming on her face. She crossed her arms.

  “Where are you going?” She asked sadly. I sighed, looking down to avoid her gaze.

  “I have to look for something. I promise I’ll come back.” I told her as I turned away. Pam grabbed my shoulder, turning me back around to face her. She put her hands on her hips, moving her green flannel to reveal a holster with a gun inside.

  “Not without me. I have a feeling I know what you’re looking for. I can help you find it.” She stated while covering it back up. I raised an eyebrow, mouth agape as I attempted to find the right words to say.

  “Let’s go.” She commanded as she walked off, opening the gate and walking out with me close behind her. I held my sledgehammer tightly and kept a lookout while she closed the gate. We set off to find an old drugstore that Pam knew was nearby. I trusted her, she knew this area best. I hadn’t been in this part of the surrounding woods in a while, so I couldn’t trust myself.

  I must admit, going into the woods late at night alone, with a bad memory of the surrounding area was a bad idea. But now I had Pam. Someone who knew the area well and probably saw it every day through the trees considering we were heading in the direction parallel to the gardens. She led me along the fence before breaking away from it, walking diagonally and marking the first tree with her pocket knife.

  “We’re gonna keep going straight.” She told me. I nodded, following close by. Within ten minutes, we had made it to a drugstore. It was small, dark, and seemed to be barren of all medical supplies. I looked around, scanning the dusty, empty shelves for the things I was looking for. I sighed when I had searched every single shelf and found nothing.

  I walked to the back of the store, searching for Pam. I was disappointed, but I was more nervous than anything. I wasn’t comfortable with not knowing. There was a loud crash coming from the small closet in the back of the store. I burst through the door, sledgehammer ready, all for nothing. I saw Pam standing awkwardly in front of a fallen shelf. I let my guard down, sighing and staring in complete and utter disbelief.

  “Found them.” She stated awkwardly while holding a pink and white box in her left hand. I took the backpack off of my shoulder and took five tests. When I stood, I grabbed the test in Pam’s hand and placed it in the front backpack pocket.

  She smiled at me as we walked side by side down the road toward a small shopping mall she knew was nearby. She told me the shops that were located within the indoor shopping center, and I had perked up when she mentioned a Spencer’s.

  I took out the small flashlight and explored the abandoned mall, killing any walkers that get in my way. Eventually I found the old, run down Spencer’s which seemed to be untouched. It made sense, why would anyone need anything from here during the apocalypse?

  There it was. Perfectly hanging from one of the back racks, easily accessible from my height. A black corset with purple laces and a red trim. I reached out to grab it off of the rack, throwing my bag to the ground and stuffing the garment into it along with a garter belt I had found just below it. I had an idea for tonight.

  When we had returned, I was greeted by a familiar figure standing at the gate. Owen was standing there, his hands in his pockets, his jaw clenched. I froze, feeling as if I was going to cry, gulping down the lump in my throat. He told Pam to leave and she obeyed. I could tell that his mood wasn’t the best and it would be wise not to upset him further. He moved closer to me, taking his hands out of his pockets and letting them dangle at his sides. I looked down, ashamed. I knew I should’ve left a note.

  “Where were you?” He asked lowly. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words left my mouth. He sat there for a few seconds, waiting for my answer before turning around and walking in the other direction. I grabbed onto his shoulder, trying to get his attention again.

  “Owen… I can’t tell you I just-“ I was cut off by an open palm coming into contact with my cheek with enough force to knock me over. My hand immediately flew up to feel at my rapidly heating cheek as tears filled my eyes. I looked up at him, a single tear ran down my left cheek and my breathing became uneven as I tried not to cry. He sighed and knelt down beside me.

  “Come on, let’s go inside.” He muttered as he helped me to my feet. I still couldn’t comprehend what had just happened, no matter how hard I tried. Why would he hit me? Gently, he sat me down on our bed, digging in his drawers as I sat there silently crying. He returned to me with a bottle of water in one hand and a washcloth in his other hand. He poured a bit of water on the cloth.

  He sat beside me, wiping the tears away along with the dirt on my face. I didn’t bother moving, why would I? Who says that he won’t hit me again if I don’t comply. He wiped my forehead, ridding it of the w on my forehead. I furrowed my eyebrows at this, eyeing him warily. He took one of my arms and held it out while putting a bit more water on the cloth, before going back to wiping my body down.

  “I’m sorry…” He told me softly. I finally turned my head fully to look at him. His expression seemed genuine. Slowly, his gaze met mine. After he was done wiping down the visible parts of my body he reached for my shirt, discarding both the shirt and my bra. He then washed the sweat off of my torso and back, the gentle feeling of the washcloth on my bare skin was enough to make me moan slightly.

  "Then why did you do it?" I asked. He then pulled my shorts and underwear down, wiping down my most private parts before adding more water and moving to my legs, slowly making his way from my thighs to my knees.

  "I thought you left. For good." He told me. He then removed my boots and socks and finished washing my body, he had used the entire bottle on me. One of the only bottles of clean water left... and he used it on me.

  “There’s a tub of water in the closet next to this room. You can wash your clothes in there.” He told me as he pointed toward the door. I nodded, grabbing a simple grey t-shirt that covered everything above my knees. I carried my clothes and hid the tests within them. As soon as I dropped the clothes off in there, I rushed to the old bathrooms. Luckily, there was no water in the toilet so there wasn’t just random pee in there.

  I took a deep breath after waiting at least an hour to see all of the results. I counted to three mentally before opening my eyes to look at the line of tests in the sink. On three, I opened my eyes to see that they all said the same thing…

        Positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting close to the attack on Alexandria. Hang on to your hats folks cause you ain't seen nothin' yet!  
> The way I see it is... there's something good happening. Something really cute, and happy... now to ruin it.


	12. Welcome to the Show

The next morning, I woke up alone. I didn't really care though, I knew he was off somewhere else, taking things from other survivors. I sat up and stretched, looking around the room. I noticed something... different. There was a folding screen in the corner of the room and a battery powered CD player on the chair in front of it. 

  I swung my legs over the side of the bed, my feet barely touching the cold, stone ground. I made my way toward the screen and CD player. There was a sticky note on top of the player.

  _'Jean, these are for you. I had them moved this morning. -Owen.'_ I smiled and  opened the CD player, finding the CD that I had in my bag when the apocalypse started. I had no clue that they kept it. I smiled widely as I came up with my plan for telling Owen the news. I would put on a little show for him. 

  After hours of patiently waiting for him to return, I left the room. It wasn't that I was angry, I was nervous. In this world, if someone hasn't returned for a while that usually meant they were dead. Word around the warehouse was that he left with Edward once again to go on another run. We were running low on supplies. This wasn't good, and I was beginning to feel guilty. How was I going to do this? We barely had any food left, almost no medicine, and I was pregnant. 

  There were screams echoing from within the warehouse, words of walkers escaping spread like wildfire. I rushed to one of the windows, staring outside and realizing that they had gotten out. Most of them were surrounding the broken down car in the courtyard. I felt dizzy and weak as I turned around. Everyone was gathered around me.

  "Everyone lock the doors. No one is going outside. Anyone who's out there is already dead. Leave them." I announced. A burst of murmurs erupted from the crowd before me. No one moved. I scowled. 

  "Well? Do you want to die? Lock everything down or we're all dead!" People moved at my second command. A few people remained, looking at me with worry in their eyes. 

  "How do we put them back?" A woman asked. I looked at her. She had short black hair and green eyes with pale skin. I smiled reassuringly. 

  "When Alpha Wolf returns he'll put them back. He has the button that controls the traps. I'm sorry." I told her. She nodded and departed along with the rest of the remaining people. I stared out the window and noticed movement. There were two men running out of the car while one fought off the walkers. He got to the gate and managed to get out, joining the other two guys on the other side. 

  Eventually, he returned. He was with Edward and some other guy in a red poncho. I didn't move from the window, I sat there for hours. He killed the mysterious man before setting the traps back up. The sounds of loud music filled the air and flashing lights-well-lit up the surrounding area. The walkers were drawn to it like moths to a bug zapper. I made my way outside when they were all inside the trucks. I decided to tell him. I carried a small jewelry case with the test inside with me as I approached him.

  "What's that?" I inquired as he stared down at the black and white pictures in his hands. He didn't answer, only studied the place. It seemed to be another gated community. He looked up at me and I saw the look on his face. He was pained, but he was trying to hide it. He had a nasty bruise on his forehead, too.

  "W-what happened?" I asked. He shook his head and turned away,I refused to take this as an answer. 

  "Owen. I-I have something to tell you." I stated, gripping the box in my hand. He sighed.

  "Jean. Stop. Just leave me the fuck alone, okay? I'm not in the mood for this." He told me in an angry tone. My eyes widened, my mouth agape. I ignored this and followed his instructions, going back to our room because I knew he wouldn't be in there for a while. It was now or never.

  My fingers traced along my new sledgehammer, the polished handle sending a shock of pleasure through my body. I gripped my new weapon, lifting it and placing it over my shoulder as I made my way toward the folding screen which concealed a desk and lantern along with a dusty, battery powered CD player. Or, should I say, my dusty, battery powered CD player. I took out one of my favorite CDs from my teenage years, The Entertainer by Randall Shreve. I waited to hit play, the song I needed was track one and Owen wasn’t here yet.

I first placed my sledgehammer against the wall, then I slid out of my shorts, folding them up and placing them atop the folding screen. I opened one of the desk drawers and withdrew the garter belt I managed to find in the lingerie section of an old Spencer’s. I slipped into the garment and attached the fishnets to them. Next, I grabbed the corset which came from the same place as the garter belt. I shed my tank top and practically poured myself into the black, purple, and red bodice, lacing it up slowly as if to tease myself. I stood before the grimy, cracked mirror, admiring my transformation to seductress. I took out my black, satin ribbon and tied my hair up, exposing my neck.

The door had opened and I jumped, still hiding behind my folding screen. I didn’t bother looking at who it was. It couldn’t be anyone else at this time of night. I smirked as I grabbed my sledgehammer again, gently pressing play, letting the lazy-but at the same time, sexy-first notes of Randall Shreve’s Welcome to the Show echo throughout the room. My leg was the first to emerge from behind the folding screen, moving along with the beat, stepping forward then backward. As he sings _‘what happens next’_ I run my hand along the length of my leg. Repeating the aforementioned acts while adding one where I take a spare set of panties and fling them to someplace else until he sings _‘rock and roll may move you, but the devil’s gonna take your soul’_ to which I reveal myself and turn, sledgehammer in hand as if it were a cane in a musical.

As the chorus starts, I place my sledgehammer down in front of me, gripping the very top of the handle as I lazily swung my hips to the rhythm. I then began to move backwards slightly as I moved my shoulders to the tempo he was singing. As soon as I came full circle, I dropped down, the hammer still between my legs before I stood again, this time, circling the hammer. Repeat. _‘Welcome to the show!_ ’ The song exclaimed as I held out my right arm, followed by my left as he repeated it.

The next part of the song were the careless _‘la’s.’_ I bent my knees as I circled the hammer again, slowly rolling my head at the same time. At this point, Owen was seated on our bed, eyeing me lustfully. I turned fully around, facing away from him, bending over provocatively. I heard the cots creak and I immediately turned around. He was standing, but I would not allow that, I walked toward him, trapping him on the cots _. ‘Leave your troubles at the door.’_ This was my cue, as he sat back down, I sat on Owen’s lap so my legs were across his legs. My torso was twisted so I could face him, one arm draped across his shoulder and my other hand on his chest, simply rocking back and forth in his arms.

“I’m I killer, I’m a healer,” I sang along as I cupped his cheek, moving closer to his face. I moved away as the song went on, moving toward his ear as my favorite part came up.

“I’m your devil, I’m your angel, I’m your lover” I began as I hugged him. I turned his head to look at me as I straddled him.

“And baby, I’m your whore.” I didn’t get to finish my little ‘cheer up Owen’ routine, by the time these words left my mouth, my back was on the cot and he was hovering over me. I smiled at him as innocently as I could.

“What’s with all the teasing, pup?” He asked. I smiled up at him.

“I wanted to thank you for the sledgehammer, and to cheer you up. Feeling better now?” I asked. He nodded, placing his forehead against mine.

“So much better.” He muttered against my lips before completely engulfing them with his own. I pushed him away gently, looking him in the eye.

“Can I tell you now?” I asked. He nodded, untying my hair.

“We did it.” I told him excitedly, sitting up slightly and attempting to reach under the bed. He got off of me, flashing me a confused look and I dangled myself over the edge of the bed, grabbing the box underneath it before handing it to Owen. He glanced up at me and I smiled.

“Go ahead, open it.” He slowly lifted the lid, glancing at the object inside. His expression lit up as he fully removed the lid, exposing the positive pregnancy test. He was ecstatic, as was I. He then put the box on the floor before pulling me into a loving embrace, while easing me down onto the bed. Let’s just say, by the end of that night, that song had a completely different meaning to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. This felt rushed... but... Alexandria. Jean sees Daryl and Morgan, two people who are going to impact her later soooo yay! But, soon we will be seeing some sad shit soon. It is only downhill from here.


	13. Water

  Sunlight flooded the room the next morning, waking me up. I was still in my attire from the night before. I sat up, lifting my arms to stretch. The lines from the pillows and sheets decorated my arms looking like my veins had etched themselves into my arms. The laces of my corset had made a mark on my skin as well, along with hickies in places only I could see.

  Owen stirred beside me, turning over and away from the window. I gently ran my fingers through his hair soft, brown hair. His face scrunched up before he slowly opened his eyes. I smiled down at him, my heart fluttering as he simply stared at me curiously.

  “What?” I inquired. He laced his fingers within mine, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

  “I can’t believe we did it.” He stated quietly, a small smile on his face. I nodded happily. He stood from the bed, the blankets still on his legs got dragged off with him and I was left to deal with the chilly air. He grabbed his clothes from the edge of the bed, dressing himself and getting ready for the day. Before he left the room, he turned to me, a bright smile on his face.

  “I’m going out today. If you couldn’t tell, we’re running low on supplies and we’re gonna need a hell of a lot more than what we have now considering your condition.” He smiled. I looked down, realizing he was leaving me yet again. It was understandable, things were becoming harder to find and people were harder to kill and steal from. Everyone has learned to fight off enemies.

  “What are you waiting for? Get dressed.” My head shot up and I stared at him in disbelief. I was going with him? He wasn’t going to be ridiculously overbearing?

  “I’m going with you?” I asked dumbly. He nodded as he put his pale, greying, frayed coat on. In the blink of an eye, I was out of bed, undoing my corset and throwing on my neatly folded clothing. I slid out of my garter belt and socks before finally realizing that I wasn’t wearing underwear. My cheeks heated as I dug in the desk drawer for a new pair of panties.

  As soon as I was dressed, I was out of the building. A dark grey duffle-bag was slung over my shoulder and my sledgehammer was clasped firmly in my left hand as I stood beside Owen. He gave orders to Edward, who gave me the usual subtle glare. The hot Virginia sun beat down on us as we made our way across the shade-free courtyard. The chain-link fence gate opened slowly, and it closed with a loud crash.

  Owen had taken my hand within his, squeezing it at random moments. Although, I did have a sudden moment of doubt while we ventured across the vast fields and forests. What if he was planning on leaving me once again? This concept was not completely inconceivable; he’d done it so many times before, what was stopping him now? The mere fact that I was pregnant?

  My suspicions were quickly dismissed as we approached an abandoned parking lot.  He started looting old cars, breaking the windows with rocks and killing whatever corpses were still locked within before unlocking and prying the doors open. I followed his lead and smashed through one of the windows with my hammer, using it to clear the glass to avoid getting cut. I found old CD’s, a few I actually stuffed into my bag, but that’s all I could find. I looked over at Owen, who seemed to be having as much luck as I was.

  I straightened up after looting the rest of the cars on the right, finding nothing but small things like chapstick and CD’s. I looked toward one of the other cars and watched Owen emerge, covered in walker blood. He walked toward me, smiling as he held out a cooler. I pursed my lips, unsure of what good that would do us.

  “A cooler?” I inquired rhetorically, not really expecting much of an answer or explanation from him. He simply nodded before placing the item on the ground. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the one car near the back of the lot.

  “Have you checked that one yet?” I asked. He shook his head and walked toward it, not considering if I wanted to check it or not. He busted the window open, and immediately I regretted not being closer. He wasn’t fast enough and a pair of hands burst out, grabbing his shirt. A series of growls and gargles came from within the car as he struggled to free himself. My eyes filled with tears, but I blinked them away. I then rushed to his aid, my sledgehammer gripped firmly within my palms. In one swift motion, I had removed one of the walker’s arms, the blood splattering onto my arms. I repeated this action to detach the right arm. Owen quickly removed the hand that was still attached to his shirt, throwing the body part elsewhere. I took my knife and jammed it into the dead man’s head, retracting it when the walker had silenced its growls and went limp.

  Owen proceeded to unlock the car door and pry it open, dragging the now twice-dead body out of the driver’s seat, through the passenger’s side, and onto the road. I climbed into the car, looking for any hidden treasures. One thought raced through my mind, however. Was this a trap from another group of survivors? Were they nearby? My thoughts came to a halt once again as I came across a large package.

  “Owen!” I exclaimed joyfully. He looked into the car once again, worry displayed on his face. I pointed down at the large pack before me, only to confuse him. I sighed and prepared to lift the plastic. I set it on the seat, unlocking and opening one of the backseat doors.

  “More water…” He muttered to himself as he lifted the package. I smiled and stood, my upper body bent forward as I followed him out of the car. He opened the rolling cooler he found earlier and used his knife to slice the plastic holding the bottled water open. He then dumped the bottles into the cooler, grinning triumphantly as he rose to meet my gaze again.

  “Still questioning the cooler?” He inquired sarcastically. I rolled my eyes, playfully punching his arm.

  “Hey, don’t start. If it weren’t for me you’d be dead.” I told him. He laughed at this, which was a bit alarming, but I chose to ignore it. He turned around and went toward a car in the corner. I arched an eyebrow. There was a low growl coming from behind the car, and I got nervous.

  “O-Owen…” I stuttered. He placed a finger over his lips and crouched down. My heart started pounding as a walker stood from behind the car. My eyes widened out of fear.

  “Owen!” I shouted. Quickly, Owen pounced on the walker, stabbing its forehead. I breathed a sigh of relief, however, it didn’t last long.

  He stood, but didn’t notice the sharp, jagged edge of the bumper. He screamed out in pain and fell back to the floor. Out of instinct, I began to run to him. I fell to my knees, lifting the side of his shirt to see a nasty gash in his side. Tears began to drown my eyes, the only thing that was comforting was the look on his face. He was smiling up at me.

  “It’ll be fine. We have to go back.” He told me. I nodded, helping him to his feet. My eyebrows furrowed as we made our way back.

  “We don’t have anything to treat it back at-“

  “I have an idea. Just get me back there.” He ordered. I nodded and made the journey back to-what I considered-home.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap.... Alexandria is coming up in the next chapter. I honestly never thought I'd get this far. That being said, thank you so much for reading! It's honestly why I keep updating, because I know people are reading this. I'd also like some feedback if that isn't asking for too much. I'd just like to know what you think of it so far? Is it too rushed? You know, stuff like that.   
> -Harleen


	14. Sleeping Beauty

   The urge to scream and cry was getting worse. He limped beside me, his arm over my shoulder. Every two moments we had to stop so I could kill another walker or two, it did help me deal with my overwhelming feelings. He lost his footing and fell, I caught him, but it didn’t matter. I collapsed beside him, bursting into tears. My entire body shook with sobs, my attempts to stay quiet only made things worse.

  “Jean… it’ll be fine.” He tried to reassure me, it didn’t work. Most would ask why I am so distressed, well… it’s quite the simple answer my droogs… we didn’t have any medicine. There was a good chance he was going to die. That fucking scratch is going to get infected… and he’s going to die. This woeful realization made me openly weep into my hands. Beside me, he sighed.

  “If you don’t get up now I might as well be dead.” He told me. I removed my head from my hands, looking over at him with a solemn look on my face.

  “Aren’t you already though?” I asked genuinely. He furrowed his eyebrows, attempting to stand on his own, clearly upset by my remark. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t see the point. What’s the difference between him dying out here or dying at home? To me, there was none.

  “Fucking hell, Jean. I’m still here, I refuse to go anywhere yet and I won’t if you take us back to the base!” He snapped. This sudden outburst finally brought me back to reality. I stood, helping him up and letting him lean on me once again. I bit my tongue, my inner cheek, anything to stop me from crying out in the emotional pain I was currently in. I shouldn’t be so selfish, however. The only one who should be openly expressing their pain here would be my dear sweet Owen, but he wasn’t. He was staying strong.  Now, on the path leading up to the gates I realized that I had to leave him. I had to open the gates and get help. I wouldn’t leave him far from the gates though, that would be stupid.

  “Help!” I called out. After a few seconds of walking up to the gates, I had to call out again. Only this time did I see a few people gathering around the gate, after realizing who it was calling for help, Edward opened it. As I got closer, I was able to recognize the others who surrounded Edward, the ones who now looked on in shock. Aphid, Arno… and Pammy. Once we were inside, Edward slammed the gate shut and dropped to his knees beside me as I laid Owen down on the ground.

  “What the fuck happened, Jean?” Edward inquired. I fought my tears once more, preparing myself to tell them what happened.

  “We were looting some cars, he got knocked over by a walker-” Everyone gasped, assuming he was bitten.

  “He killed it. He didn’t get bitten or anything like that, but he got cut by the bumper.” I explained. Owen was barely conscious, and I knew that we had to stop the bleeding. I stood as Arno picked him up.

  “Do we have any bandages?” I asked Edward. He dug into his pocket for a brief moment.

  “You’re lucky. We picked these up today.” He told me.

  “Thank you.” I thanked before nodding and rushing to Owen’s side. I held his limp hand, getting used to the feeling. I felt as if I would have to get used to it just in case this doesn’t work out. My heart ached as we walked inside. Arno cleared a table and placed Owen on it. He barely opened his eyes and I doubted that he could actually see me, but I still smiled a bittersweet smile, trying my best to show that I had faith, even though I didn’t.

  I lifted his shirt, viewing this potentially fatal wound for the first time. The gash went up his left side, and blood was seeping out of it. I took a small, white towel and placed it over the wound, holding it there with the right amount of pressure applied. I looked over at Arno.

  “Grab him, lift his torso so Aphid can wrap the bandages around him.” I commanded. Arno nodded and grabbed him, lifting him. As if on cue, Aphid began to unwrapped the bandages from the roll and wrap them around Owen. As soon as the bandages were over the towel, I moved my hand and took over. I made sure they were tight enough before tying them off. I looked around at the nervous faces around the table. Arno scurried behind me to grab Owen.

  “Take him to our room, you know where that is, right?” I asked. He nodded and walked off toward the narrow hallway. My gaze met the gazes of others surrounding me, and I felt as if I were going to break right then and there under the weight of their stares. It was obvious that they wanted to know more, but I told them all that there was to know about what happened.

  “Now we wait.” And wait we did. I didn’t bother leaving his side, hell, I didn’t **want** to leave his side. This all was starting to take a toll on me, yet again my world felt as if it were falling apart. My fingers were tightly laced with his, I was sobbing into the soft blankets that were draped over my beloved and the bed he laid on. There was a gentle creek that echoed from the doorway, making me raise my head slightly to see who was there and why they didn’t bother knocking.

  “Hey…” Pam greeted gently. I didn’t answer her; I didn’t want to be too loud out of fear that I would wake my beloved.

  “How’re you doing?” She asked. I shook my head, it bothered me to no end that she was asking about how I was instead of worrying about the one who was actually hurt, the one who risks his life day after day to look after these people and make sure they had enough supplies to survive; their leader. But no, am I okay? Am I okay is the question she asks, not how is he doing or anything of the sort. No. I’m more important then, aren’t I? I am not. All that matters now is him. So I stood out of shock, it was unbelievable that she would be so ungrateful and uncaring about someone who provides and looks after her.

  “That doesn’t matter. Are you not worried about him?” I questioned while gesturing to my sleeping beauty. She briefly glanced at him before looking at me again. A few moments had passed before she answered me.

  “I-I am.” I glared at her.

  “You hesitated.” I pointed out hastily. She huffed and crossed her arms before glaring at me.

  “I’m not gonna deny that I worry for you more than him.” She admitted. I gasped, quickly becoming offended and enraged by her mere presence. I turned away from her and ran my hand along the side of his face.

  “I won’t be okay until I know he’s better. I owe a lot to him. I love him.” I told her.

  “Is that how he feels? Did he tell you he loves you?” She asked. I thought about it, thinking back to our time together, everything. He’s only said it once.

  “He said it back to me. That doesn-”

  “You said it first. Jean, has he ever told you how much he loves you by himself or have you started it every time?” She continued. I looked over my shoulder at Owen’s sleeping form. I suddenly felt confused. I wasn’t sure how to react. Was I supposed to tell her that he’s never told me that he loved me? I always thought of it as an unspoken thing. It didn’t have to be said, but to Pam that isn’t enough.

  “I… I said it first.” Pam rolled her eyes and turned her body slightly. I didn’t appreciate the attitude she gave me, it was uncalled for and quite rude… and it was getting on my last nerve. He may not be dead yet, but I was still grieving. So much could go wrong here, and I am sitting here wasting my time arguing over such a stupid topic. So what? He never told me he loved me and only said it back to me, so what? As long as I knew he loved me, it shouldn’t matter. But why was I still arguing then?

  “He didn’t have to say it, though. I knew, there was a mutual understanding between us, we always knew!” I continued, raising my voice in the slightest. Pam took my hand within hers and held it close to her, staring me in the eye with a worried and sympathetic look.

  “Do you not remember anything I told you about him? What he did? I don’t know what he had planned for you when he first picked you up but I know it wasn’t because he loved you. I know it wasn’t because he was attracted to you. He had something planned for you but you wouldn’t comply, you wouldn’t bend. I don’t want you to fall into his trap, I know that he’s-” She couldn’t finish, for her blood spilt from her neck faster than the words could escape her mouth. I knew I would regret it, we all would. She was our only gardener, but I couldn’t stand to hear her speak of him like this. I knew I’d be punished for this in some way but it was worth the rush, it was worth the feeling of her blood spraying onto me as if it were water coming from a hose on a hot summer day. It was worth it.

  Her body fell to the floor with a loud _‘thump,’_ and my knife with a ‘ _clank_.’ Her shocked expression will be etched into her face until she finally turns, and I had every intention to use her reanimated corpse as a trap somewhere out there. There was no way that such a traitorous woman would be allowed to guard the very person she had talked so lowly of. He may not be awake, but I was. I was awake enough to get offended for him, to deal with such a loose cannon for him.

  After I had finished cleaning my knife, there was a disturbing, familiar growling sound that came from the floor behind me. I smirked to myself, turning around and kneeling next to the reanimated Pam. I took the rag from within my back pocket and carefully placed it around Pammy’s mouth to avoid any unwanted bites, then I roughly grabbed her arm and tugged her upward to her feet, before finally dragging her stumbling corpse down the long, narrow hallway. Everyone had to know what happens when they spoke poorly of their leader; when they try to turn others against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Owen is out cold and Pam is now dead, what else could happen to Jean in the next chapters? Well, to say 'a lot' would be an understatement. Alexandria is only two chapters away!! This means that Negan isn't too far either!   
> Thanks for reading!


	15. It's Not A Bullet

  Pam was chained outside to a tree, the ‘W’ actually carved into her forehead for all to see. Everyone knew the cost of conspiring against Owen. He could be perfectly fine and these conspirators would still suffer a much worse fate than Pam did, for when I opened her throat I was acting impulsively. If I were to catch another treacherous little rat, I would come up with the most painful way to kill them without making them completely useless. All of them must be used as examples, no exceptions.

  As of now, in this little story of mine, I was patiently awaiting my dearest Owen’s awakening. Every now and then he would stir in his sleep, but he had yet to open his eye lids. I had gone back with a few others to retrieve the water Owen and I found. I trusted Edward to watch over Owen while I was away, I decided to finally trust him, my beloved did, so why couldn’t I? There was no logical reasoning behind my distrust of this man other than he freaked me out. I kept a bowl of water nearby after I had returned, every now and then I washed away the sweat that would build up on his forehead. I had also gathered some of the last of the food Pam had grown, I knew it was stupid of me, but we’d find more food, right?

  This entire ordeal had eventually tired me out. Going against my own wishes, I laid my head on the mattress and closed my eyes. This did not last very long, however. After what felt like five minutes, there was movement from the other side of the bed. My eyes fluttered open, but I did not bother raising my head, instead, I smiled softly to myself.

  “You’re up.” I stated quietly. Owen continued to shift until he was sitting with his back against the pillows.

  “What happened?” He asked. I let out a sigh.

  “Before you passed out or after?” I inquired, unsure if he remembered everything. I looked up and took in his unamused look.

  “After, Jean. I remember what happened before.” He quipped as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. I finally sat up, grabbing the soaked washcloth and dabbing it on his forehead once more in a tender and loving way. I was reluctant to tell him everything, especially about Pam, but he would find out some way or another, and I’d rather him not find out when we’re in the midst of another food shortage.

  “Aphid, Arno, and I put bandages on you to stop you from bleeding out. We’re gonna need a lot more than just bandages, though. Pam was in here…” I stopped as put the washcloth back into the bowl and grabbed a bottle of water, handing it to him.

  “She said some things.” I began once more. He arched an eyebrow and eyed me skeptically.

  “What’d she say?” He inquired.

  “Owen… she was saying awful things about you. She was trying to turn me against you!” I exclaimed as I felt tears brimming in my eyes. It broke my heart. I thought I could trust her, but I suppose she was trying to get under my skin all along so I would trust her and actually fall for her trickery.  Owen remained silent for a few moments, contemplating my words. It didn’t take a genius to figure out his next question.

  “What did you do, then?” Maybe it did. I was caught off guard by this.

  “I killed her for saying such things; for trying such things.” I explained. He nodded, but continued to question me further.

  “And she said…?” He asked, referring to the traitorous things she had uttered that night.

  “She said that you were trying to get me to bend to your will and that you were an awful person. She told me about things you had done in the past, now that I think about it, she may have been lying then as well. She was saying things about me falling into your trap or something like that.” I explained. He simply shook his head.

  “You did the right thing, Jean.” He told me. I smiled widely at this and felt proud of myself. I knew how to handle things here by now, and now I was being praised for it… in a way. I turned to grab the grapes I had collected earlier.

  “You have to eat or else you’ll never regain your strength.” I told him. He smiled, chuckling to himself as he plucked a couple grapes off of the stem.

  “What are we going to do?” I asked solemnly. He didn’t say a word. My answers came later in the form of an assembly held in the packaging area of the factory. Almost everyone of importance to Owen and his raids were there. I stood next to Owen as he leaned against a podium-like structure in front of the huge crowd in front of us.

  People were chattering and questioning this. This was the first time something like this was ever done, meaning the assembly. The only gatherings we ever had were to discuss the plan so everyone knew their part when we attacked a community. This, however, was different. There was no plan going into this, we hadn’t observed the community long enough. Hell, Owen only obtained pictures of the place just a couple days before all of this, there was no way in hell we had a plan. As Owen told them about this place called ‘Alexandria,’ I slipped into the shadows, walking behind the numerous empty crates that littered the factory floor.

  “And what do we get during all of this? I say we keep whatever we find for ourselves! I’m sick of giving up what I find when you and that whore get to keep whatever you find!” A familiar voice shouted from within the crowd. I stiffened up, I knew that voice. The one from the forest, when I met Owen for the first time. He tried to rape me. I moved from my position next to a crate, picking up my pace until I was at a sprint. Everyone moved out of my way as I pulled my sledgehammer back.

  The hammer came in contact with the asshole’s head, knocking him over with a loud _thud_! I looked up at Owen before returning my gaze to the sniveling lowlife below me. There was a large gash that went from the back of his ear down to where his head meets his neck.

  “You get what you get and hope it’s not a bullet!” I shouted angrily. All the rage I had bottled up for this man had finally surfaced. I made eye contact with Owen before asking him a serious question.

  “Let me finish this. He’s caused too much trouble for you. Can I finish him?” Owen didn’t say anything, instead, he gave a simple nod. And with that, I brought my hammer down on this awful being’s head, silencing his groaning. Then I did it again, then again, and again until the pain had finally vanished. By the time I was done with him, his head had become nothing but a puddle of blood, brains, and bone. I lifted my sledgehammer so it resided on my shoulder once more, the crimson liquid dripping from the dark grey metal of the hammer and onto my shoulder and the ground.

  “Anyway… We’ll be leaving as soon as possible, so be ready within the next hour.” Owen finished before turning around and heading down the narrow corridor towards our room. I followed him giddily, feeling the sweet sensation of relief. Had I realized that doing that would have relieved stress I had carried for months a while ago I would have done it sooner. I grabbed my bag and stuffed it with a few bottles and a couple of other things such as a knife.

  “So… do you have a plan for this place or are we going in blind?” I inquired.

  He did, indeed, have a plan. I wish that it were a bit more organized now that I look back on it, but it was okay due to the urgency of the situation. He knew the gash was getting infected, I knew it was getting infected. There was no hiding it. This had to be done. Although, not using our savage ways might have spared a few lives.

  A man who was instructed to kill himself drove a truck into one of the walls, the one with the tower, allowing us to get in. During the panic to get the horn off, most were distracted, others stayed within the confines of their homes. We broke in anyway and attacked everyone in sight.  The attack had begun, I was ready. People were going to die, and I knew it…but I didn’t seem to care. A lot of these people probably deserved it, too. I guess it was for the greater good, they’d be free. They wouldn’t have to worry about food or even the threat of the beings they were about to become. Owen and I hid behind a house in shrubbery that surrounded the back. I concealed my sledgehammer, hiding it for later.

  Owen was still latched on my hand, it seemed like he didn’t want to let go any time soon. I had to pry myself away, despite how much I was enjoying his attention. As I ran off toward the terrified screams, he stopped me.

  “I have to go.” I told him. He looked down for a brief moment.

  “I’ll be back. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” I said jokingly, causing him to chuckle.

  “I know, just… be safe.” I nodded as I left. The screams of people around me seemed to only fuel my bloodlust further. I stood, unlatching my hand from Owen’s as I ventured off to the right. The houses were all lightly colored and they were well kept, which was quite impressive in the apocalypse.

  Out of nowhere, a woman with brown, wavy hair and brown eyes emerged from around the corner. She held her hands up, seemingly afraid of me. She was right to be, but she didn’t know why I was here, hell, she’d probably never seen me before and I didn’t have the mark anymore, so she had no reason to fear me or not to fear me.

  “What’s going on? I just walked out of my house and got attacked, they got my shoulder but I ran off.” I feigned. She gulped and looked around.

  “I don’t know. They came out of nowhere and started attacking everyone. Maybe we can find somewhere safe to hide.” She offered. I nodded and followed her up the steps to a house, assuming it was hers, but this didn’t last long. As soon as we made it onto the porch, I took out my knife.

  “Wow. That was easy.” I said nonchalantly. The woman turned around with a questioning stare.

  “What was?” She asked. I smirked, pinning her to the wall.

  “Gaining your trust. Cause you never saw this coming.” I told her as I plunged my knife deep into her side. She cried out in pain, begging me to stop as I repeated the action multiple times. I then covered her mouth with my free hand, placing my arm on her neck so she couldn’t get away and to muffle the screaming further. As her brown eyes lost the spark of life and began to close, I eased her down. Then, I prepared to move on.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw Aphid, but once I saw his body on the lawn and this imposter killing Robert, I dropped down, deciding to feign terror and sadness for this hunter. I refused to go down at the hands of them. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I ran back up to the woman I had just killed.

  “No!” I shook her lifeless body, making sure to coat my hands in more of her blood. This hunter made their way toward me, kneeling beside me and taking their knife out before stabbing the side of the dead woman’s body. This hunter looked at me for a moment.

  “Are you okay?” The voice confirmed that this hunter was a huntress. I nodded, keeping the act up. She pointed to the door and moved the woman’s body slightly.

  “Go hide.” She instructed. I nodded and grabbed my bag, standing and rushing to the door. I slammed it shut and looked around. Now was my time to loot. Hopefully our little huntress wouldn’t get in my way again, but sadly, she would. In the worst way. That comes later, though.

  After stuffing my bag with multiple items that mostly included various food items, I left. Finding the shrub that I hid my sledgehammer behind, I lifted my prized possession and prepared for battle. I had to avoid people like our huntress, for I feared my life would be over if I ran into her again, like this. I would fail Owen in that way, and I wouldn’t want that. The roads were painted with blood and bodies were littered everywhere, there was a good amount that I had actually recognized and that was the least comforting feeling in the world; knowing that we had lost so many. My nerves got the best of me, and I ran. I had to know he was still alive. I needed to know, I would die if I didn’t.

  As I finished checking one of the last houses, the screams had begun to die down. That meant that either we were all dead, or we had succeeded and hopefully the huntress had perished as well. I lifted the now heavy bag onto my shoulder followed by my sledgehammer, ready to check the place next door. I could not deny that I was nervous. He was nowhere to be found in the mass graves, nor was he in any of the houses I had checked so far. If I did not find him, then he most likely would have left me here, perhaps due to the same reasons I was panicking, because he could not find me.

  The last house was loud with the sounds of struggles. Glass was being shattered and there was angered grunting resonating through the walls. I rushed inside and took in the scene before me with wide eyes. Owen was on the floor, unconscious and surrounded by broken glass. There was a man who stood above him, still in a defensive state, clutching onto what seemed to be a staff. He was still breathing uneasily and had easily frightened me when he turned around. I put up my hands defensively.

  “I’m not going to hurt you, just please, I beg of you, spare him.” I begged in a cracking voice. The man straightened up and easily towered above me. He made no attempt to change his facial expression, he remained calm.

  “I won’t kill him.” He told me. I breathed a sigh of relief, laughing a bit in the process. He then proceeded to lift Owen, placing him over his shoulder and carrying him out of the house.

  “W-wait! Where are you taking him?” I inquired nervously, only to get a door slammed in my face. I didn’t dare try to cross the wreckage caused by their fight to get to the window, that would have been stupid. Instead, because I wasn’t thinking straight, I waited for the man to return. It took a good five to ten minutes for him to return, and when he did I was full of questions.

  “Where’s Owen?” I asked. The man didn’t say much, only uttering a small ‘I’m sorry’ before hitting me with his staff, the blow having enough force to knock me out. The last thing I remembered was being picked up by this stranger. Then it went dark.

  When I awoke, let’s just say I was less than pleased.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long chapter... but for a good reason! Alexandria! Sadly, this spells out certain doom for a character in this fic... meaning we're gonna see a real angry and vengeful character as well... and Negan! Yay!   
> So Jean runs into Carol during this time and holy shit it is the start of a very deadly and bloody grudge. I made a connection as I was writing this, however, Jean and Carol both used the same tactic during this attack. They both blended in with the opposite group in order to get closer and kill them.   
> So anyway, that's the end of this chapter, see ya!  
> -Harleen


	16. A cell and the truth

  Owen’s head was resting on my lap as I sat with my back to the wall on the old, ratty mattress they provided for us. I was sure they had the mattress in this barren, musty basement-room before we got here cause there was no way that they’d go out of their way to make us comfortable or uncomfortable. My growing curiosity about the room kept me entertained as my dearest Owen snoozed away on my lap. The walls were coated in a boring white color that looked grey in the shadows of this room. The only way I could tell the walls were this color was due to the influx of light that flooded through the locked door. We were situated in a corner with our wrists bound together. I wasn’t awake when they did this and I doubted Owen was either.

  My fingers ran through my beloved’s chestnut-colored locks as I observed our new surroundings and pondered a way to escape. There had to be a way, and indeed there was, but this way out would not come to us for a while. So, for the time being, I was stuck thinking of stupid ways to escape, all of which would probably get us both killed. How could we let this happen? We should have been more prepared, we should have waited and watched just a bit longer. I knew that since he found those pictures he had Selina and Kyle observing the place… probably didn’t know that we’d be raiding this place so soon.

  His eyes opened slowly, I didn’t realize this until he grabbed my hand and pulled it out of his hair. Slowly, he sat up, groaning and holding his side in pain. I moved my legs so I was sitting on them, I had to make sure I’d be ready to pounce if anything were to happen.

  “Owen, please don’t hurt yourself further.” I begged. He tried to move his other hand, not realizing that they were bound together.

  “What the fuck?”

  “I forgot to mention that we’re currently in some sort of basement? Empty house? I’m not too sure where we are… all I know is we’re still in Alexandria and don’t worry...” I explained before raising my hands to show off my own bindings.

  “I’m tied up too, so you’re not alone there.” I finished. He got up, hovering over me as he walked around the empty room, searching the walls for something. I watched in complete silence and interest as he began to knock on the walls. Worry began to grow within me and I found myself standing as well.

  “Please stop. I really don’t want to attract any unwanted attention.” I begged anxiously, looking over my shoulder, realizing that there was another door across from the one that supposedly led to the outside world. He stopped momentarily to look at me before returning to banging on the walls. I rolled my eyes and continued to walk around the room, ignoring him this time. I wanted out of this place, I wanted to go home with Owen, I wanted him to be healthy again, I want to raise our kids in peace and cause chaos for all who try to get in the way of that. These people were getting in the way of that, and I refused to let it slide.

  The door that led outside was more like a gate with a screen over it. The bars were rustic but with a chipping, dark green paint coating them. I stared outside, watching the sidewalks above as people scurried around, trying to clear all of the dead. These people were smarter, they were fighters. Sadly, for us, that doesn’t help our situation whatsoever. Whoever that guy was, he had something against killing. It interested me. If he were a killer, I’m sure I’d be dead. Hell, he probably would’ve ignored my pleas for Owen’s life and killed him when he was done with me. Which made me wonder, what started all of this for him? Why would he listen to us? Why would he spare us?

   I sat back down on the mattress, my mind officially wandering and taking me away from this awful situation. It was there when I was reminded of our huntress. Was she aware that we were here? Was she working with that man, who would capture us and save us for her to kill? No, it couldn’t be, it didn’t seem right to me. But something didn’t add up. Surely I wasn’t completely losing it yet, there was no way she was a figment of my imagination yet.

  Owen joined me, sighing as he did so. I looked over at him, holding back a number of snarky comments I could make. He looked tired, pale, and completely defeated. It was only a matter of time before the reality of our situation set on him, and now was that time. I smirked, finally letting a comment slip from between my chapped lips.

  “And he finally realizes we’re doomed.” His stare became intense and I could practically feel the anger and frustration radiating off of him. I didn’t react, I was in somewhat of the same mood as he was. I was angry and frustrated as well, I didn’t want to be here as much as he did, maybe even more than he did. My teeth currently were digging into the side of my right cheek as I gnawed at it in an agitated way. I could feel the looming danger of an argument that we were bound to have at some point. Sadly, it would only be the first of many to come.

  “Jean, it would really make things so much better if you’d just shut your fucking mouth for two seconds.” He told me in a dangerous tone. In my head, I counted to two in my head before speaking once again.

 “Welp, it’s been two seconds.” I commented with a smirk. He growled lowly, looking down and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

  “You know that’s not what I meant.”

  “Oh did I, now? Then explain why I waited the recommended time before talking again?” I asked sarcastically.

  “Because you’re an annoying little minx who doesn’t know when to stop.” He told me. Clearly I was getting on his nerves, but I truly didn’t know when to stop. I kept going, I kept vexing him. I got what I deserved in the end.

  “Not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.” He only groaned at this, running his hands through his hair.

  “How did I get stuck with you? Seriously, what did I do to deserve this?” He asked, directing this question to no one in particular. I gave a confused look, worry setting in.

  “Owen? What-what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked him. He looked at me as I placed my hands on his shoulder. He jerked away, turning his body so he was facing me.

  “I didn’t think you’d come back, but you did. I thought I killed you the first time, but no. You came back and killed one of my men, I couldn’t refuse you then, who the hell knows what you would’ve done if I had. I leave you in the woods for a second time, you come back, killing people yet again. Then you attack me.” My breathing became ragged as he goes through everything that had happened in the past year or so. Was he never in love with me? Had he been trying to kill me this entire time?

  “You admitted how much I meant to you, so I took advantage of that. How could you not see that? I kept you around for a good fuck every now and then.” He admitted. My heart broke right then and there. Everything I had convinced myself of, everything I thought about him had been shattered right there and then.

  “But you had to start asking questions. So I came up with some bullshit answer, of course you believed it. Of fucking course. Did you think I actually cared if you got pregnant or not? Hell, I hoped it might’ve killed you when you were giving birth or something. Then, you told me. I wasn’t as thrilled as you thought I was, as a matter of fact, I was so far from excited. It would ruin everything for me. Of course I didn’t mind when you said I could fuck you while you slept.” He admitted. The room felt hot and the air became hard to breathe as hot tears burned in my eyes. He had lied to me this entire time. I felt used. I felt stupid.

  “You killed the only gardener. You killed Pam. I knew she didn’t like me, I didn’t care. No one would actually rally behind her, why would they? That one guy you killed, I didn’t care about him, I’ll admit it. But who knows, maybe if you didn’t kill him we wouldn’t be in this mess!” I burst into tears, I couldn’t help it. Everything had been a lie, he had no feelings for me whatsoever.

  “Then why? Why even bother with me in the first place you selfish fuck? Huh? Why not let them fuck and kill me? Why stop them, why would you make me think you cared?” I asked angrily.

  “There was a girl…” He stopped. I glared.

  “She was my everything… and these guys… they took her away from me. I went back for her, we searched for their base for months. The search ended when I found her tied to a tree, skinned alive. They kept the skin on her face, that’s how I could tell it was her.” He explained. I felt no remorse for her, as a matter of fact, I felt even angrier.

  “We found you a couple weeks after. I thought you were with them because of what you wore; the red and black aesthetic. I felt as if it were my job to kill you and send a message to them.” He told me as he took my red jacket out from his jacket pocket. I grabbed it, hugging it to my chest.

  “I thought I lost this… you had it all along?” I asked. He nodded.

  “I didn’t give it back cause I wasn’t sure whether you were with them or not. Took us a few weeks to find their base burned to the ground. No one survived.” He explained. This did not help silence my sobs.

  “I… I don’t know what happened to me. Somewhere along the line, my feelings about you started to change. You’re nothing like her, but there was something. Maybe it was because of that night, when you killed those men and left their leader for them, there was something about it… but it wasn’t enough. Then you called me Owen… I hadn’t heard that name since she was taken. Hearing it again… it brought something out in me, something I thought was dead. And I realized later on that you really did care about me, and it really meant a lot when you went out of your way to cheer me up. Ruby never…” He stopped mid-sentence yet again. My heart was aching, but it was doing leaps at the same time as he admitted to this. I was so confused and I didn’t know if I could trust him or not.

  “I realized that night… that I loved you.” That was my breaking point.

  “How can I trust this? Clearly you didn’t fucking feel that way before. Now you decide to tell me all this, to tell me that you lied about… about everything! You admit to lying to me, then you expect me to believe you when you say these things? Fuck no. I can’t take this, I got to get out of here.” I said as I stood, frantically banging on the walls.

  “Someone please!” I screamed, continuing to beg to people who I knew wouldn’t come. I dropped to my knees and placed my forehead on the wall, letting out more tears of frustration and sadness.

  “Jean…” Owen began as he brushed a lock of my hair back and away from my face. I jerked away from his touch.

  “Don’t fucking touch me!” I cried as I sat down once again, burying my face in my arms, crying my eyes out. I wasn’t sure if this was it for us, and the reality of everything I had done had set in. I killed so many people for him, I deserved to be here. I wouldn’t be able to just live here among so many people who would hate me for what this group had done. Where would I go.

  “I’m sorry.” He uttered. I didn’t reply, it hurt too much to hear his voice. It hurt too much to think about him.

  “I had to tell you at some point, Jean. I couldn’t keep it from you forever.” He told me. I looked up.

  “You could’ve, I would have been perfectly fine without knowing about all of this. I don’t want to know about your sob story about some mysterious woman I’ve never heard of, nor do I want to hear about some stupid group that apparently doomed me by wearing a certain color scheme.” I told him. This did not stop me from asking the dreaded question though.

  “Where does this leave us though? Do you care for me or not? Cause I’ll gladly leave you alone when they let us go, I’ll just go my separate way and you can go back to living the way you used to.” He moved closer to me, grabbing my arm and tugging me closer to him. Despite having his hands tied, he still hugged me to the best of his advantage.

  “I can’t imagine going back to the way I was living. I probably wouldn’t be alive right now if it weren’t for you. And sure, you aren’t Ruby, in a way… you’re better. She… I had to protect her. The one day I wasn’t with her, she got kidnapped and it got her killed. You look out for both me and yourself, I know I don’t have to worry about you. You put my happiness before yours, for once I want to return the favor. I promise, when we get out of here I’ll show you how much I care. Besides, I think we’ll need to settle this before…” He trailed off, pulling himself away from me to look down at my waist. I looked into his eyes, searching for a sign that he wasn’t lying.

  “How do I know you aren’t sweet talking me?” I asked. He looked down.

  “I don’t know. I guess it’ll take a while for you to trust me again. But I promise I’ll change that when we get out of here.” He told me as his hand engulfed one of mine. I smiled, realizing that this was definitely a turning point. Finally, I knew what was going on in that sick mind of his, now I had to figure out what he does when he lies. I knew I couldn’t trust him for now, but I was sure that would change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters keep getting longer and longer... oh well.  
> I told you, I told you so long ago not to trust his kindness. Is truly a turning point for him though? Possibly. Will Jean trust him ever again? I think she will. Honestly though, the whole Ruby thing was a last minute decision. I knew I wanted Owen to admit to using Jean, but I wasn't sure what he'd use her for. Like, what's to gain from trying to kill someone multiple times before giving up? If you're trying to get revenge on a group who killed your gal, then it makes more sense! But poor Jean, she had nothing to do with that or that group... so this story was all one big misunderstanding. She probably would have been dead by now had that not happened to Owen.   
> I think I might skip Morgan explaining his backstory though... like I might reference Jean hearing parts of it but she'll be asleep for most of it. She's gonna need it cause shit is goin' down in the next few chapters!  
> ps I got Injustice 2 and I love it. I really love fighting games but I lost interest after I saw Joker's design, like, it really pissed me off. The game is so good though! I love Black Canary so fucking much! If anyone's interested I could post a completely unrelated Injustice chapter for Jean... if you play it, comment your favorite character! My favorites are Harley, Black Canary and Captain Cold!


	17. The Darkest Path

   For the next few hours, I had fallen asleep. The only thing to wake me was when our captor walked through the door and sat across from us. I did not bother getting up, nor did I bother looking at him. I knew he’d start talking anyway and Owen had already acknowledged his presence.

  “You said you like talking. I remember that. Little chats with strangers by the fire and you said it was like the movies. Then you said you wanted everything I had, every last bit. Well, here it is. Every last bit.” There was a certain strain in his voice as he spoke to us. He was still calm, but I could tell he was in some sort of emotional pain.

  He began to tell us about his past, he described how he was before he got to Alexandria… how he wasn’t always merciful. He used to be violent, like us. Cold towards the rest of the world. It truly made me wonder what happened. What made him change his ways? There was a time when he would brutally murder other humans. This. This made me thankful for the dusty, dull cell we were locked in. Compared to what he told us, things could have turned out worse than it already did. Throughout this part of the story, I could tell that he was-at one point-teetering on the edge of insanity.

  He told us about a man named Eastman, he was a man who he had once tried to kill before he was imprisoned, like us. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was hinting at something, like we were repeating history for him. It was odd, learning that he was changed by a single person. It seemed like he hoped that we’d follow in his footsteps.

  This man wanted to die though. He begged Eastman to kill him, he told us that he didn’t want to live. I was still unsure of why; it wasn’t like he had explained this to us. The amazing thing was that he had tried to kill Eastman, but he kept him alive. He fed him and made sure he was healthy. Apparently, this Eastman was a forensic psychiatrist, and immediately I gained a whole new level of respect for the man. Now it made sense, why he kept this guy alive. He wanted to help and understand why he killed.

  Our captor eventually admitted that his crazed, bloodthirsty self was due to the loss of his son. I felt sorry for him, I truly did, but I doubted that I could ever go down such a reckless path. Our captor went on to explain how Eastman let him out, allowed him to leave… and how our captor attacked him. Eastman was able to subdue him after a bit of a struggle. Even after our captor had attacked him, Eastman still let him stay, and even brought up his fighting methods. Aikido or something like that.

  Eastman trusted him to watch after his goat while he went on a run, and our captor was able to successfully take care of the walkers who threatened the goat, making me breathe a sigh of relief which made Owen give me a weird look. Eastman began to train our captor, teaching him everything he knows now. I wondered where this man was, I wanted to thank him. I knew that if it weren’t for him, Owen and I would certainly be dead.  Eastman told our captor about a man by the name of Crighton Dallas Wilton, who was a psychopath that he had reviewed when the question of parole emerged. When Eastman had denied him, he broke out. Then he killed Eastman’s family. My heart broke at this information; this poor man had lost his family after denying a psychopath parole. His family died because he did the right thing.

  Our captor then explained that Eastman was bitten while trying to save him. I was shocked by that, letting out a little gasp to express this and earned another weird look from Owen. Our captor left Eastman after that and killed a walker that was following a couple. They thanked him and gave him supplies… according to our captor, he ran back to Eastman’s, only to find that Tabitha the goat was killed. I gasped once more.

  Eastman admitted to our captor that he had kidnapped Crighton and let him starve, like he planned to, before burying him. Eastman admitted several things to our captor before he told him that he could stay in his home, eventually telling our captor that he was ready to die. My heart sank at this. Our captor buried Eastman before taking off to find his friend, Rick. I had no clue who this ‘Rick’ was, but that meant he was in Alexandria. That was the end of the story.

  “And that’s it. Every last bit.” Our captor explained. Owen tilted his head slightly.

  “You think it could work out like that for me?” He inquired. Our captor nodded.

  “Yes. I think it can.” He told him before shifting his gaze between the both of us. I stayed silent for most of this time, waiting to hear their conversation.

  “Maybe.” Owen said while glancing down, smiling to himself before looking back up at him. He kept smiling though, but I knew that there was something else going on in that head of his.

  “Have you noticed that I’m shaking a little? Sweating a little?” Owen then moved to show off the gash in his side, grunting in pain as he did it. I averted my gaze, trying to keep my composure. The story was a nice distraction, but clearly it wasn’t enough to keep my mind off of this forever.

  “I saw how settled this place was in the pictures I found… I thought maybe there’d be something here. Medicine… to help this. But that was before you won. So, I know I’m probably going to die. But if I don’t, I am going to have to kill you, Morgan. I am going to have to kill every person here. The children, too. Just like your friend Eastman’s kids. Those are the rules. That’s my code. I would say sorry, but you said it, right? Don’t ever be sorry.” Owen told him in an unapologetic tone that frightened me. I had never heard him speak so emotionlessly. I know that he had done awful things before, but this had chills running down my spine. But out of all the thoughts running through my head… only one escaped my lips.

  “His name’s Morgan?” I asked, a little bit too loud for my liking. Owen glanced at me as Morgan left. I let out a shaky breath as I laid my head on his lap. Obviously Morgan wanted to reform us, he wanted us to change and spare a life instead of take one. He didn’t want us to continue going down the same dark path he did.

  “I can’t wait to get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and I apologize for that but I am mentally preparing myself for the next few chapters. Honestly, I almost skipped Morgan's backstory in general and went on with the story but I realized that it's kinda important sooo... ya. Some serious stuff is gonna go down soon so prepare yourselves!


	18. Freedom

  Over the next few days Owen’s condition was worsening. He was sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably, his eyes were glassy and red, his skin a ghostly white. I was going crazy. I could tell that if he wasn’t treated immediately he wouldn’t make it, and I was terrified. My only hope was Morgan. He was the only one here who I was sure would help, everyone else would probably love to let him suffer.

  He sat in the corner, facing me but not looking at me, instead he was staring at the ceiling. To the untrained eye, or someone who didn’t know him, he looked bored. But I knew better, he was interested. The booming patter of feet had been present all morning, meaning someone was up there. The safest guess was that it was Morgan, the least safe would be the Huntress. Owen’s legs were lying flat on the mattress with me by his feet. The blanket was no longer laying on the mattress but was instead draped upon his shoulders. He gripped onto the blanket as another shiver shot through his body. It hurt just to watch him go through all of this. He needed help asap.

  I crawled over to him before curling into his uninjured side. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. Maybe he was using me to keep himself warm, maybe he just needed someone, I would never know, but I didn’t care.

  “Do you really think we’ll get out of here?” I asked. Owen glanced down at me, but doesn’t answer my question. I lay my palm on my lower abdomen sighing heavily. After a few moments of silence, I spoke again.

  “What’s going to happen when I start showing? Won’t they separate us? Will they take them away from us?” I asked uneasily. He didn’t answer. Worry began to eat me alive. Of course, there was always worse that was looming in the darkness of my uncertainty. He could die, right here and now, in this dusty, dank smelling cell.

  “Don’t tell me you aren’t worried about this.” I muttered to myself more than him. It still caught his attention, and I was greeted by his cold and irritated gaze. My eyes quickly became a river overflowing with tears as I leaned into his shoulder, a sob finally broke through.

  “I am worried.” He muttered calmly, tightening his grip around my shoulders in what I assumed was a reassuring squeeze. I clutched at his shirt, finding it hard to answer him in this state.

  “We should have waited…” He spoke to himself softly. My head shot up.

  “N-no. Do-don’t blame this o-on yourself.” I spoke through gasps and hiccups. He looked at me, a calm façade plastered on his face.

  “I wasn’t. But-” He stopped. I waited for him to continue, but it seemed like it was hurting him to try to speak.

  “Owen, i-if it hurts do-don’t talk, okay?” I told him, I was beginning to calm down.

  “When I die-” This time I cut him off.

  “Don’t think like th-that!” I shouted through another sob. I laid my head on his shoulder, my thoughts running rampant.

  “I don’t think I can do this without you.” I said in a voice barely above a whisper.

  Everything went quiet, aside from the shuffling coming from the floor above us. Normally, people weren’t allowed up there. Owen didn’t say a word after I said that, and I had a feeling that he wasn’t going to talk to me again, he was probably getting lost in his own thoughts again. I was stuck there, wondering who was upstairs. I was hoping it was Morgan, anyone else would be considered a threat to me. So who was up there? As if to answer my question, a woman walked into the room, followed by Morgan. Her eyes widened as she looked at the both of us, you know, the people who had just led a siege on her home. We were the bad guys.

  The woman was quite tall, at least three inches taller than me. She carried a brown bag with her, one that I assumed held the things that would make my dearest Owen better. She wore a maroon shirt that had thick, white lines on the sleeves, making it look like a jersey, and she wore blue jeans. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail to keep it out of her face as she worked. As she stood in the doorway awkwardly, fidgeting with her glasses, pushing them up or cleaning them, I observed her and her actions, figuring her out from the get go. She was a bit bigger than I was (of course I was never the thinnest person, but I was never the fattest either.) and from the way she stood in the doorway, I could tell that she was uncomfortable.

  “You weren’t lying…” She muttered to Morgan.

  “He needs help.” I told her firmly, finally speaking up. I saw the way Owen was eyeing her, and I didn’t like it. My thoughts were that maybe he was trying to find her weaknesses as well, but there was a part of me deep down telling me that I was wrong. Maybe I was interpreting it wrong, but there was no way to be sure. She nodded quickly, going over to the opposite corner of the room and setting her things down. Morgan was about to say something, but he was cut off by a loud noise from outside followed by shouting. I leaned back, listening to the chaos above us unfold. The wall must have fallen. The corner of my lip quirked up in what could only have been an open mouthed smirk.

  “Stay here, help him, I’ll be back.” Morgan told the woman before leaving in a hurry, staff in hand, ready for a fight. A heavy silence filled the room. I could feel the tension in the room, not just from my anger, but from this woman as well. She was scared. My head told me that this was a good thing and that she should be kept in her place, but that little part of me was not more important than Owen getting the medicine he needed.

  Hours passed by and she still had not given Owen the treatment he desperately needed, and I was growing more and more impatient. She was still in the opposite corner of the room, not looking at us, Owen was still seated in his little corner, but this time the blanket was laying on the mattress, no longer on his shoulders. I was on the end of the mattress, staring at Owen with my legs pulled up to my chest. Everyone was silent, but of course, the one to break the ice was Owen. He looked up before speaking.

  “I don’t think he’s coming back. Do you think he’s coming back?” He asked before looking at the woman. The woman kept staring at us, she had finally gained her composure, but I could tell she was still scared. I smirked, rolling my head in her direction.

  “Hey hon, I can smell fear and man, aren’t you just reeking of it.” I told her in a snarky tone. Owen glared at me.

  “Jean.” He said in a warning tone. I rolled my eyes and looked away, not in the mood to argue.

  “We can talk, right?” He continued to poke at this woman, the woman who was supposed to fix him. She shook her head, refusing to look at us.

  “You don’t have to be afraid. Talk.” Owen demanded.

  “There’s injured people out there. I have patients. I shouldn’t be here.” She said solemnly. Owen glared at her, intrigued by this small comment.

  “None of you should.” Owen answered. She finally looked at us, a look of faint disgust on her face.

  “What about you?” She replied, in a rather quick manor.

  “What about us?”

  “After the things you’ve done? **You** belong here?” I held my tongue, it would be awful if I were to yell at her.

  “Yes.” Owen answered in a serious tone.

  “What do you think I’ve done?” He inquired. I rolled my eyes. In my mind, why should she care? She has one job and she’s not doing it.

  “You’ve killed people.”

  “We’ve freed them. And then we were just going to use what was left.” I smiled, nodding along as Owen explains this to her. Her face went from slightly disgusted to extremely horrified.

  “You came here without knowing what this was, right? That Morgan had us here.”

  “He said he wouldn’t let you go until he was sure you wouldn’t kill again.”

  “It’s just an infection. I was breaking into a car and cut myself on a rusty bumper. Just like that. It’s not unfair or just. Nothing’s unfair anymore. It might not kill me, but it might. I’ve done my part.” He stopped momentarily to glance at me. I knew what he was alluding to, and for once I wasn’t quite as proud as I had been before.

  “The world will take care of the rest. It won’t change.” He finished his little speech before leaning his head against the wall.

  “Show me the wound.” Owen looked at her from his new position before shifting and attempting to lift his shirt along with the new bandage over the wound. I looked away, it was almost as if it physically hurt me to look at his cut. I heard him grunt, which made me panic.

  “Don’t hurt yourself.” I said. He relaxed, pulling the cloth off, allowing a pool of blood to rush from his wound and onto the portion of the cloth that was still near it. He let out a few coughs as the doctor began to make her way toward him to get a better look at the gash in his side. I felt hot tears run down my cheeks once more, and I looked at her, with all the seriousness and all the worry I had built up, and I said the one thing that was on my mind.

  “You better fix him, doc.” It came out a lot less tough than I wanted it to. I sounded scared. Which I was, I wouldn’t deny that.

  “You weren’t born this way. You changed, you can change.” She told him before digging in her bag and pulling out the IV bag. On the inside, I was crying tears of joy, maybe it translated to the outside as well, but I was still nervous. From what I’ve been hearing, there is a giant horde of walkers out there. Even if this does help, how are we going to get out of here?

  Maybe an hour or so later she was done and packing up. I was curled into Owen’s side again, smiling widely. He didn’t seem to be showing how relieved he was at this, but that was kind of his thing. He didn’t like to show how he truly felt, not even when he’s alone with me.

  “Get the hell away from them.” A voice called, startling both the doctor and myself. I shot up and looked in the direction of the doorway. An older looking woman in a white button down shirt and khaki pants walked in with a knife pointed at us. As she stared us down, I realized who it was. The Huntress.

  “They’re tied up it’s not-”

  “I said get away from them.” The Huntress repeated herself. Owen watched her every move, tilting his head in complete and utter interest. Just as she began to close in on us, Morgan rushed through the doorway and in front of her, bow staff in hand, ready to subdue her when needed to.

  “This could have waited. It should have. Now it can’t.” He told her. Her knife was pointed at Morgan.

  “You don’t need the knife, we can talk.” He continued, trying to persuade her from gutting us like fish. Little did he know, I had an ace up my sleeve.

  “No. This is over.” She told him, never taking her steely gaze off of us.

  “We can be better than them.” Morgan said.

  “We **are** better than them.” She was really pushing it. So what, they had all this and they disliked killing. Her killing us makes us no different from each other besides the fact that she’d be living and we would be dead.

  “Not if we kill!” He exclaimed.

  “They made us kill. We had to stop it, I had to stop it.” I shook my head, looking away. If she got too close, I knew what to do.

  “With life, there is possibility. Even if we never let them out-”

  “I’d get out.” Owen interrupted with a smirk on his lips.

  “Even if we never let them out he could know what he’s done. He could know!” Morgan exclaimed once more, getting more and more emotional as he spoke. This Huntress of ours didn’t seem to be persuaded just yet.

 “I don’t want to have to kill you, Morgan.” She warned.

  “You won’t.” He said before she stepped forward. Morgan was still on guard as he stepped back.

  “You can’t. I won’t let you.”

  “I’ll kill you to kill them. Because I don’t want anyone else to die.” The Huntress attempted to explain. I flinched. Owen leaned forward slightly, staring the Huntress down.

  “You should kill me, but you’re all going to die. You don’t belong here.” He told her, his voice was taunting, but serious as well.

  “Owen stop saying stuff like that.” I muttered.  He ignored me and focused on the two bickering before us.

  “Tell me you’re sure. You tell me that you’ll know what’ll happen how it will go. You step aside. I’m not asking you again.” She warned him. I finally spoke up.

  “Please, lady, you gotta understand. I-I can’t die yet. Please. Please! You wouldn’t kill a pregnant lady would you?” I exclaimed. She stared at me for a brief moment, taking in my distressed features. I wasn’t sure if she believed me or not, but I was going to find out soon.

  Instead of making her move, Morgan knocked the knife right out of her hand, starting the fight between the two. She kicked away his staff and knocked him over before getting on the ground to grab her knife. She got a hold of it and began to swipe at Morgan. He dodged each of her swipes with such grace it was hard to believe what I was seeing. Eventually, he knocked the knife out of her hand and knocked her onto the ground, she began to viscously claw at the ground in an attempt to reach her knife.

  “Get her! Rip her head off!” I shouted, hoping Morgan would be able to protect us. I looked over at Owen, who pressed a finger to his lips as he inched nearer toward Morgan’s staff. Morgan dragged her away from it, but then she kicked him in the face. He fell over and at the same time she grabbed her knife. She gets up and swipes at him again, but he dodges her attacks once more and grabs her arms, eventually he throws her onto the ground, rendering her unconscious. Little did they know, with Morgan abandoning his staff Owen had snatched it up, prepared to use it for our grand escape.

  He snuck up behind Morgan and used his own staff against him, whacking him over the head so hard that he gets knocked out. The doctor lady screams, and Owen points the Huntress’s knife at her. He turns around, only to find me digging my knife out of my boot.

  “Don’t worry sweetie, I got myself handled.” I said as I got to work on the ropes that bound my hands together. He didn’t look too amused to see that I had a knife on me all along, but chose to ignore it to buy us time. He started to work on his own bindings, eventually we were both free.

  “Please. Please don’t.” The doctor lady whined annoyingly. Owen looked up at her, flipping his hair back once he was done.

  “Don’t what?” He inquired.

  “Don’t kill them. You said they were already dead, you said I was. You don’t need to kill us. Just let us die. Just let us die.” She droned on. I rolled my eyes, ready to take this Huntress down once and for all, ready to avenge our fallen allies.

  “Jean, don’t.” Owen commanded. I looked at him in disbelief, knowing that these people will cause us problems later on. He stood up, walking toward the doctor lady.

  “You are so full of shit!” She shouts angrily as Owen approaches with the knife pointed at her, backing her up to the wall.

  “You’re what I like about people.” I glared at her, feeling a bit uneasy by his choice of words. He chuckles as she trembles and cowers against the wall. And just like that, three people, a man and two women enter the room. The women held their guns up high and they were pointed directly at us. Owen quickly grabs the doctor lady and places the knife at her throat.

  “Tara!” She calls out. The two become even more on guard and continue to aim at us. Owen however, showed no fear.

  “Just be still. Lower the guns. Lower the guns.” They lower their weapons, staring at him angrily.

  “Good. Now slide them over, I want them.” They then put their guns on the floor and slide them toward Owen. He bends down to grab a gun before quickly returning to his original position, but this time the gun was pointed at the doctor lady’s temple.

  “Owen. My sledgehammer.” I reminded him. He nodded.

  “Someone show her where they put her hammer.” He demanded. This other hot chick stepped into the other room. She wore a khaki hat and her dark brown hair was back in a ponytail. She pointed to my hammer, giving me attitude along the way. I smiled anyway.

  “Thanks hot stuff.” I flirted before turning around to meet up with Owen again.

  “You don’t need her.” A cutie with black hair and a black jacket said nervously.

  “You’re right I don’t. Back. Back.” He told them as he started to move for the door. I followed him, clutching my sledgehammer happily.

  “You’re not going to make it out there.” The one in black told us. Owen looked down at the doctor lady, smiling.

  “We’ll see.” We inched nearer to the door. Once there, Owen dug in his pocket, still pointing the gun at the doctor lady. I was there, making sure she didn’t try to run or anything like that. As we left, they all watched us, horrified (or unamused and annoyed in the case of the hat chick) as we walked through the door and into the clutches of the unknown and the dangers that lurked within it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Sorry for the long wait, writer's block has been kicking my ass. Not only that, but I've been preoccupied with reading 'IT' and it's been taking up most of my time. Soooo, that being said, I hope you enjoyed this super long chapter!


	19. No Way Out

  Ducking down, Owen, the doctor lady, and I took cover behind the wall which lead to the sidewalk above us. Walkers shuffled by, letting out soft gurgles and low groans. Their voices rough and distorted, but it cut through the air like a knife cutting through vegetables. It sent shivers down my spine. I had come face to face with walker hordes before, but none were as massive as this one. The sun was getting low in the sky, casting an angelic (and yet at the same time; hellish) glow across the gated community. I looked at the stairs, shadows loomed over it, making it look much more ominous than it actually was. The doctor lady, was in front, having a panic attack. Rightfully so, all I could think of was throwing the wheezing mess at the walkers as a diversion, but, that would be… frowned upon by my lover. Owen, on the other hand, was in the front, looking at the same stone stairwell in front of us, ready to attack anything -and I mean anything- that got in the way. He still had the gun on her back, a way of reminding the already falling apart doctor that the threat of death was always there, whether it be by walker or gunshot. Although, I prayed it wouldn’t be by gunshot. All I wanted to do was give her to the blood thirsty beasts, but no.

  I shifted my gaze back to the walkers, staring at all the shuffling feet that passed us. It was almost hypnotic, the way they moved. It felt as if I were being drawn in by some sort of deep sea fish that hypnotized its prey with glowing and blinking lights. But these weren’t deep sea fish with beautiful organic lights, these were dull, greying, hideous corpses that fell apart on themselves and feasted on the flesh of something it used to be. A human. It seemed as if the flow of feet would never cease, and they didn’t, not at that moment at least. I couldn’t hear any blood-curdling screams, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Everyone who lived here probably wanted to hunt us as much as the things that want to eat us do, and after what we did to their home, after all of this damage… I wouldn’t blame them.

  “Easy.” He tells her before looking back at the horde above us. We both watched the dead march above us, him more observant than I. She leaned her back against the wall and slid down, Owen dropped the gun and bent down to her level, chuckling in her ear. Once I was broken of my trance, I did the same.

  “How things turn.” He said to himself. He looked up at her, still smiling. After a few moments that smile dropped, and he spoke again.

  “When there’s an opening… we’ll make a break for that tower.” He explained his plan of escape with us. I nodded compliantly, as usual, but her, no. She had to be difficult and keep shaking her head like a goddamn bobble-head.

  “No. I’ll just slow you down.” She told him. I smirked and scoffed out a laugh.

  “See. I say we use her as walker bait, you know, throw her to the brainless assholes and make a run for it.” I offered while also throwing in a bit of a taunt. Owen rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh, obviously fed up with my disdain for this doctor. I could tell that I would not get my wish with his permission and I secretly plotted the woman’s death in my head. I called it _‘A Million Ways to Serve Up Doctor: Walker Edition.’_ Of course, even a mention of such joke would have earned me a hard slap across the face, so I refrained from giggling about it aloud or mentioning it at all when around him.

  “Denise.” He said softly. There was no answer.

  “Denise.” He said in a slightly more demanding tone. She glanced up at him while nodding erratically. He gave her a look that made me sick, well, it was either that or those symptoms were kicking in again.

  “You’re here. With me. I need you. Maybe I want you to stay, I’m enjoying your company so much.” He told her, his sincere and concerned look melted away to a full toothed grin, which then faded into a smirk. His bottom lip had found its way between his yellow teeth. I quickly became infuriated, I was enraged.

  “Oh nice, ignore your pregnant significant other and flirt with some other chick. Real classy, love.” I sarcastically mentioned, my voice getting louder and anger building up with each word I spoke. He glanced back at me for a brief moment before noticing the genuine look of aggravation and disappointment on my face and turning around to take my hand.

  “Jean, I love you to death, you know this. Now, if you’d stop running that gigantic mouth of yours, we might just get out of this alive.” He reassured me. I knew that what he was telling me was for the best. I had to stay quiet or I’d attract walkers, then we’d all be dead. It would cause a chain reaction which resulted in our deaths… and it would have been my fault. It’s always my fault. We wouldn’t be in this stupid mess if it weren’t for me. He was right, this was all my fault. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, we wouldn’t have had to go out to look for supplies, he wouldn’t have gotten cut, and we wouldn’t have had to come to this awful death trap of a gated community.

  “I like what you said before, that I wasn’t born this way. You were right, I changed. And now I want to help you change.” He told her, the gun was pointed at her once more, and I glared. Yet again, he says things like that and it makes me feel like he didn’t mean what he said to me before that. My heart ached after he uttered those words. I looked up again, scared that I was going to do something stupid if I didn’t look away. She was right there, a quick pounce and a squeeze would have ended this stupid jealousy feeling right then and there. But I didn’t do it. Because that would have led to another thing being added to the list of fuck ups I caused, and let me tell you something, it was already quite long in my eyes.

  “You’ve got a gift Denise. You’ll see that one day.” He claimed. I rolled my eyes at this statement before reacting -verbally- to his comment.

  “You can’t tell me you’re seriously thinking about bringing her with us, are you? For god’s sake Owen I’m a fucking doctor, too. Don’t forget that. Whatever it is, I can help. Believe me.” I exclaimed. He glared at me briefly before deciding to ignore me again.

  Hours passed once more and the walkers were still stumbling down the streets like some kind of demented and twisted parade. Owen was still ignoring me and eyeing the doctor who I’ve come to know as Denise (or the annoying wheezebag as I prefer to call her). She still huffed and puffed as if she were the Big Bad Wolf but with lung problems as she stared over the wall. It really got on my nerves within the first thirty minutes, but eventually I learned to ignore it. Every now and then I would hear it, and I would tune it out so it was nothing but white noise to me. Although, I was beginning to doubt my feelings for my looney lover. All this flirting and looks he gave Denise annoyed me, infuriated me, tortured me… killed me. And I had been forced to die in silence.

  A gunshot echoed throughout the night, making me jump. Owen looked over the wall again, me following behind him. We watched as the crowd of corpses flocked toward the origin of the sound. I looked over at Owen, I already had my opinion, my consensus, but I was waiting for him to say something.

  “They’re moving toward the gunfire. That shout… I suppose someone thought they could put up a fight. I guess you all thought that.” He taunted. I snickered at his little remark and quickly remembered why I was in love with this man. I always loved a guy who could make me laugh.

  “We did put up a fight. That’s why your friends are all dead.” She rebutted. My head snapped in her direction and I quickly had to comment.

  “Woah, lady, chill. Do you need new batteries for your vibrator or something?” I quipped. Owen ignored my comment and looked out toward the wall, I could tell what he was craving and it wasn’t me or this woman, it was freedom. Maybe that was why he was so cruel to me, why he kept favoring her over me for the past day, I was stopping him from being free.

  “Yeah. We should have waited and watched for a bit longer. I was selfish. But maybe if I wasn’t so selfish I wouldn’t have gotten that IV.” He laughed as he moved to Denise’s left side, leaving me on her right, leaving her open to me. He watched the herd again.

  “We’re going to find a gap and go. Up that guard tower and over the wall.” He explained. I nodded and got ready to move, lifting my sledgehammer over my shoulder.

  “You don’t need to be afraid.” He told her. She looked up at him with defiance present in her eyes.

  “Go to hell.” She told him. I glared at her.

  “You do realize that you’d be walker chow if it weren’t for him, right?” I asked her in an impatient tone. She looked at me, shocked to hear me speak again, especially since we were about to walk right into a horde of walkers. She then nodded at me hesitantly.

  “You need to know. Six were out there, then us in here. Start moving. Start moving.” She slowly began to walk toward the steps, Owen right beside her, I kept an eye out in the back, making sure that no one was following us.

  “Now, straight up that guard post and **do not** stop moving.” He instructed. She nodded and ran off into the horde, then Owen, then myself. In the darkness, I was able to take out a few walkers to make sure none of them were sneaking up on my dearest Owen. Again, I didn’t care as much for the doctor, but Owen? If anything were to happen to him I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I don’t know what I’d do in general.

  The sounds moved by fast but the awful, rotting stench of death remained with us throughout the journey. Walker blood splattered and flew through the air after every hit, after every swing. Crunching emitted from beneath my sledgehammer and it was the most beautiful and satisfying sounds I had heard in a while. Bone stuck out in jagged sharp edges where the hit had impacted the skull, sticking out of the rotten flesh in scattered flashes of white. Brains oozed out of every crevice and onto the roads where I stood, protecting the one I loved. In fact, I had gotten so caught up in the moment and the sounds of skulls cracking, that I had not noticed the one walker heading in our general direction.

  Denise struggled to shake off a long haired walker. She attempted to twist out of its strong grasp and she moved her head just out of the reach of its snapping jaws. It still continued on, and there seemed to be no hope for Denise. I had decided that it wasn’t worth it, I had to protect myself and Owen. This time I was being selfish, I’ll admit. Owen ran over to her though, despite how I felt about it (although, it wasn’t like I said anything about how I felt at that moment). And with all the stealth and swiftness in the world, he took out the one walker that was causing her a problem. The knife he used plunged deep into the creature’s skull, blood flowed out of the wound and splattered once he pulled the knife out. The walker dropped dead, letting go of Denise. I had turned around for a brief second, and then it all crumbled down.

  A shout of pain cut through the dark night and I turned around faster than the world to someone who’s dizzy. My eyes widened out of shock as I realized… Owen had been bitten. I was careful and vigilant. I was so careful. And yet I let this one slip by. My heart felt like it had stopped for a moment, and as I swung my hammer one last time, I felt all of my pent up rage flow through my muscles and watched as I completely demolished a walker’s face, until there was nothing left but a dark red/brown mush at my feet.

  He stabbed the offender in the head and it dropped dead. In my state of worry, I rushed over and grabbed his forearm. Blood was gushing out of the large bite mark on his arm (if you could call it a bite mark, it was more of a gaping hole) and dripping down the side of it in long, tear-like streaks and forming into little droplets that would leak onto the concrete. The meat and muscle in his arm was visible to the naked eye and, while it might have been my eyes playing tricks on me, the bone seemed to be visible as well, but the mere sight of it did not bring me joy as it would if it were someone else, no, this was nauseating to me. I felt tears well up in my eyes and my lip began to quiver as a sob threatened to break through my currently sealed lips. Owen took his arm back slowly, my fingers sliding off of his forearm with ease. He covered up the wound with the palm of his hand, blood spreading over his fingers and between them. The blood completely covered the tip of his pinkie finger to the point that it dropped off of it in long streams like a spider’s web.

  “Let’s go. If you get me to the infirmary, I’ll save your life. I’ll save your life.” Denise told him. He looked at her with glazed over eyes, ones that would tell someone that they weren’t fully awake, that they weren’t there mentally and that they could hear what you were saying, but not comprehend it. I bit my lip, trying my best to keep my thoughts of anger in my head. Saying these thoughts aloud would only make our situation worse.

  After a brief moment of silence, we ran toward the infirmary, I was in front, clearing a path to the nearest building. There wasn’t much to said building, but it had a lot of windows, which -to me- this was a problem. Too many windows were a disadvantage and if the mindless dead wanted to get in, all they would have to do is smash the windows and we’d be doomed. I opened the nearest door, it also had small square windows on it much like the rest of the room along with white curtains covering it. Owen and Denise rushed in while I kicked a walker away. In a quick manner, I closed the door and scurried to my dearest Owen. His condition was worsening and he seemed to be trapped within his thoughts. Denise quickly went to undo his belt, but I stopped her.

  “The infirmary is across the alley. We need to get you there now.” She told him as she backed away. I looked over at her, feigning a smile.

  “Listen, honey, I think it’d be better for the both of us if I did it.” I said while shooing her hands away in order to take off the belt myself, trying not to waste time. As soon as it was off I handed the garment to her and she wrapped it around his arm.

  “Hey.” Denise said in order to get Owen’s attention. He looked down at her, clearly confused.

  “I thought it was clear. We could have waited.” He muttered.  I watched her work, and I watched Owen.

  “You turned back for me. Maybe it was because you needed a doctor. Or maybe you changed.” She told him. I rolled my eyes at this cheesy line. ‘ _Sure, he definitely changed just for you, princess.’_ Before I could stop myself, I said something.

  “This is your fault. You know that right? You were too fucking weak to protect yourself, and you doomed him.” I spat. She looked up at me, a shocked look on her face. I rolled my eyes again.

  “Jean. It’s time to stop. We don’t have any time for this.” Owen scorned, clearly getting irritated. In my state, I couldn’t hear him. Instead I turned around to look at him.

  “Are you kidding me? This is all her fault! Look at you! You’re a fucking mess! I told you, we should have thrown her to the walkers and left on our own. We didn’t need her.” I ranted. He glared at me, it was one of those cold stares that would chill anyone with their senses and sanity to the bone. But I didn’t have any of those at this point. Instead, I continued on.

  “She’s nothing to us! We could have-”

  _Smack_. I didn’t turn my head after the impact, I cowered and felt at my right cheek. The shock of this prevented me from saying anything else. He hadn’t hit me in the longest time, I thought he wouldn’t do it again, but I was wrong. Breaths left and entered my lungs in short gasps. The world before me was getting blurry and was distorted by my tears.

  “Jean, look at me.” I looked up, feeling a single tear fall down my cheek.

  “That was your fault. If I live, and if I ever hear you talk like that again, it’ll be worse.” He whispered. I nodded and breathed out a small _‘yes sir’_ before looking away.

  “I just don’t want to lose you. Not to anything or anyone.” I said, shifting my gaze to Denise. He scoffed before grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him.

  “What did I tell you earlier? If anything that should reassure you that I’m not leaving you. We have to go Jean, if you want me to live we have to go.” He told me. I nodded and looked over at the door leading to the alley. Denise stood by said door, her hand on the doorknob, prepared to take us out into the alley.

  “You ready?” She asked us. I nodded and took Owen’s left hand in mine. This time I was openly crying. There was a fresh bruise forming on my cheek and I knew that it’d show for a while, but I didn’t care. I loved him and I wanted him to make it through this. Even if he did lose an arm, I’d still have him, we’d be happy together. Hell, maybe I could’ve convinced him to stay here if I really begged, and If Denise would defend us. Although, I had already been so rude to her, it would have been almost impossible to get her to say something nice about me. Unless she realized that I was lashing out under the pressure of Owen being injured.

  She opened the door and we ran out, walkers surrounded us, coming at us from every angle. While Owen and I were running and taking out as many as possible, Denise was speed-walking and avoiding the walkers. I scoffed as I brought my hammer down on another walker’s head. Owen was beside me, stabbing another walker in the head, but of course, Denise got held up again.

  “Come on! Come on!” Owen shouted over the growling.

  Then it happened. A gunshot echoed throughout the night sky, followed by another. I went numb as I realized Owen wasn’t shouting at Denise anymore. I turned to find Owen frozen in the position he was in, one arm out. A scream built up from inside me as I realized… Owen had been shot. He then shouted out to us: “Go!”

  I couldn’t find it in me, instead, I rushed through the crowd of walkers, swinging my hammer recklessly in order to get to Owen. I finally let out a scream as I watched him tackle another walker and they piled onto him. I ran to him, fighting off every walker that got in my way, getting bloodier and bloodier by the second. I fought my way through the pile, finally finding Owen.

  He had a few bite marks on him, but he wasn’t completely torn apart. Blood soaked through both of his shirts and I saw where the bullets had impacted. He was still alive, but I could tell he wouldn’t be for long. I wiped away a few tears before kneeling down next to him, grabbing ahold of his body and holding him close. His eyes were barely open, and barely held life in them, he was becoming pale yet again and I felt as if my whole world was crumbling around me. But -in a way- it was. He didn’t have long.

  “No.” I sobbed as I looked at him. He was still breathing, but it was long and slow, strained even. He watched me as I began to cry over him, as I openly wept. My heart ached, it shriveled up in my chest. The world around me seemed to freeze and everyone and everything around us disappeared, and it was just like it was when we first met. Just us. But this time, I was losing him for good.

  “Jean…” He spoke in a strained voice. I smiled, it wasn’t a happy smile but a bitter and sad smile. I brushed a strand of his brown locks away from his face and sniffled.

  “Be safe. Just survive somehow…” He trailed off. My heart dropped again and a loud cry came from me. It felt like he was beginning to go limp in my arms and I began to panic.

  “Owen, please. Don’t leave me. I-I can’t live without you, I need you! How am I going to- to do this without you?” I asked him. I was begging, even. He smiled weakly at me.

  “I love you Jean. Don’t… don’t burn the place down.” He told me before closing his eyes. I panicked. He was gone, I knew he was gone, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I looked up, as if I were looking for someone who could help, someone who could magically bring him back. But there was only one person, and I knew that they weren’t going to help. It was her. The Huntress. Gently, I set Owen down on the pavement and stared at her. She had lowered her gun and obviously showed no intentions of killing me. Which was her mistake.

  It was her and Denise. It was their fault. We would be out of here if it weren’t for the both of them. We’d be happy, we’d have a family, he’d be alive. I had to kill them. There was no doubt in my mind about that. Owen had to be avenged. I had to make things right. They were going to hurt. When I’m done with them, hell would feel like heaven. They would scream and cry and beg me to stop the torture. They’d bleed for what they did, slowly. The knife would twist in their guts like the guilt that they should have felt for killing him.

  A growl came from beside me. I knew what it was and I quickly grabbed his knife, preparing to do the very thing that I didn’t think I’d have to do. Owen had turned already, but I wasn’t ready to put him down. His eyes had not been the same ones I had stared into for the past two years. They were cold and pale, making him look blind. Hell, he probably was. His skin had become grey and was rotting already, and the scar that marks his alliances, who he was, became puffy and it almost seemed like it was bleeding once again. I backed away as he clawed and crawled toward me. I breathed out a long sigh that mixed with a sob. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put him down. Instead, I approached him and kissed his forehead, muttering a simple _‘I love you’_ before getting up and leaving.

  Everything I had worked to protect was gone. I was still alive though, along with our child. And that was when I realized that I had to stay alive. There was a piece of him growing inside me, a way to keep his memory alive, and I found a new purpose. I had to protect myself for once. No one could protect me but myself, I couldn’t rely on others, I couldn’t protect another person, I had to protect myself. But first, I had to get back to our base.

  I found myself mindlessly roaming amongst the walkers, I may have been alive, but I felt like them on the inside. Dead. Anytime one got to close, I’d take them out, but other than that I’d wander. In a dramatic difference from earlier, there was a group of people fighting back. I figured that if I wanted to get away (because they were going to find me here) I had to fight with them. In a split second, I went from an empty mess to a courage filled warrior, taking down each and every walker around me.  It was all a blur of blood and bone, I had gotten so caught up in what I was doing that I didn’t see Morgan, the man who had defended us from The Huntress.

  “I’m sorry.” He said before taking down a walker, one who I identified as Owen. My heart ached as I watched. Morgan turned around and looked at me nervously. I shook my head.

  “I don’t blame you. You did what I couldn’t. I’m going to help you guys. You were right, we can change.” I said, only half of it being a lie. I didn’t blame Morgan for putting down the hallow shell that used to be my Owen. But I did not change, instead, I was going to help them, but it was only so I could leave. After this, Morgan nodded and I ran off toward the wall. On one of the guard towers, there was a woman trapped. Walkers surrounded the tower and were shaking it. I knew I had to help somehow.

  A man walked into the herd of walkers, firing at random targets. He wasn’t too far away from me, and there was a walker approaching him from behind. It didn’t seem like he was going to turn around anytime soon, so I took care of it for him. With one swing, the creature went down, and the man turned around to find me standing there, sledgehammer on my shoulder and a huge grin on my face.

  “It looked like you needed some help.” I said. He raised his gun at me, and I immediately began to panic.

  “Woah, hey I was just trying to help nothing else, you don’t have to shoot me-” I stopped as he fired, killing a walker that snuck up behind me. I looked at it for a brief moment before looking at him once more.

  “Guess we’re even.” He breathed. I nodded and looked over at the tower.

  “We got to help her.” I said. The man nodded before running back toward the wall, this time making sure to get the walkers’ attentions by screaming. I watched him and quickly figured out what he was doing, so I followed him and did the same thing, I screamed and banged my hammer on the metal of the walls. Walkers were closing in on us though, and I didn’t have much time to think about what I had just gotten myself into. Instead, I attacked, taking down as many as I could while I was still standing. The woman above us fired a single bullet before she ran out, and the man beside me was running out of bullets as well.

  “Glenn!” The woman wept from above us. I looked over at him. He was punching at the walkers at this point, with nothing left to help us fight. The, out of the blue, gunshots were heard, and walkers began to fall. Maybe it wasn’t it for this stranger who I assume is named Glenn or I. People had come to help us.

  Two people from above us, on a truck, began to fire machine gun rounds at the walkers, giving us a fighting chance. The man on the wall shouted something at us, but I couldn’t make out what he said, and I suppose it didn’t matter for me. They began to fire again, taking down the crowd. The man next to me rushed toward the truck and got in while the people on top of the truck had helped the woman and a younger girl off of the guard tower and to safety. I followed the man to the vehicle and hoped they would help. As the truck made its way toward the lake, I followed it, taking down a few walkers along the way. A man in all black got out of the truck along with the stranger, but the man in black filled the lake with some strange substance while I took down walkers nearby. The man climbed on top of the truck and fired some sort of flame round into the lake, drawing all the walkers into and towards the flames like moths to a bug zapper. I fought along the side of these people, hoping that it would be my way out. We all fought against these creatures. We weren’t enemies, we were people fighting for our lives. And by the time all of the walkers were gone, I felt a stronger bond to this small group of people who I had helped.

  “Hey!” I shouted, trying to get the guy’s attention. He turned around, and I smiled.

  “So, your name’s Glenn, right?” I inquired. He nodded, and in return, I held out my hand.

  “Jean.” I introduced.

  “I’ve never seen you around here.” Glenn stated as he shook my hand.

  “Yeah, for a good reason too.” I muttered. I looked around at the damage done to the place, walker bodies littered the streets and blood painted the pavement. The safe zone was a mess, and it was our fault.

  “I gotta get back to my place. But I’m gonna need some help.” I told Glenn. He let me stay in him and his wife’s home for a few nights, and we talked. The first thing I got to do was meet his wife, Maggie, who I realized was the woman on the guard tower. She was kind and beautiful, but I didn’t say that last part aloud. I learned about them, their past, how they’re going to be parents soon, and although I felt a twinge of sadness, I felt happy for them. If anything, after everything they’ve been through, they deserve to be happy. They’re such lovely and kind people, they deserve happiness.

  Suddenly they meant more to me than just being kind strangers. They were allies. They helped me and I helped them. Of course I never mentioned who I truly was. I couldn’t do that to them; I couldn’t let them know that they let a murderer, someone who killed their friends, in their home. Maybe one day they’d find out, but I didn’t have the courage to tell them. After a few days, I had decided that I had to go back. There was still a whole community of people waiting for us, and someone had to tell them what happened. When I told Glenn, he said he’d go with me.

   And with that, we set out. I had grabbed the large bag that I had secretly stuffed my dead lover’s body in, and Glenn drove me back to the base in the large truck. It took a mere ten minutes in a car, apparently, and I forgot how much of a luxury driving used to be. Glenn never found out that I had helped attack his home, and I didn’t want him to know that. When I had finally gotten to the base, I grabbed my bag, and thanked Glenn for helping me. I hoped that I would meet this guy again.

  The place I had returned to was not the place I remembered. It was a hollow shell of what it used to be. It was once a place of safety with a thriving community, now, it was a sanctuary for walkers. Glenn had already left by the time that I realized that the rest of the Wolves had been killed. Some idiot had triggered our traps and the walkers got into the building. The warehouse was a walking nightmare. Everyone was dead. Everyone. Everything Owen had built up was gone. Shattered. Dead. I had barely managed to get into our old room.

  The room seemed to be trapped in time, it hadn’t been touched since we left, and it brought tears to my eyes. I realized how much I loved him, how much I loved him. And he was gone. I raided our drawers and collected supplies, looking for things that would remind me of him. I wished I could have taken the whole room with me instead, but I couldn’t. Instead, I took an old watch of his and the bag that had started all of this. I filled my old bag to the brim with water and food, a flashlight, some batteries, and then I left through our window. I was officially on the road again, all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. It's finally happened. It's an end of an era for Jean, but it's also the dawn of a new one. Will she make it on her own? Or will she completely lose it? But while the Wolves are gone, does that also mean that The Saviors are not far? When will Negan come in to play?


	20. Lucky Seven

  The hot, mid-day summer sun was high above my head, illuminating the path before me. Heat waves danced along the horizon, taunting me. The weight from Owen’s body in my duffle bag was starting to wear me down, not to mention the fact that I haven’t been able to sleep for at least a week, I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. It was almost overwhelming.

  My cheeks were sticky with the trails made by salty tears that I had cried over the past few days. Almost everything I had left to live for was gone, and my only reason for living now was my kid. They may not have been born yet, but I was going to do everything to ensure that they will be born. I wasn’t giving up just yet.

  The long road was laid out before me, blood stains and guts could be seen from a distance, and far ahead, there was a turn. There were many turns in the road I could have chosen to take, but only one caught my eye. Towering above the trees was a rooftop with visible balconies. It could only mean one thing; I had found my new base. Del Arno’s was not habitable. There was no way I’d be able to clear it myself, so I had to leave. I had to leave for my own safety, I had to think for myself for a change. There was no one left in my life for me to look after except for me. So I was heading toward this building, I was looking for a place to stay.

  As I finally approached the building, I realized it was a hotel. It was quite big, and of course, it was absolutely beautiful by apocalypse standards, at least. The hotel had many floors, each floor was distinguished by a balcony located in the front of the building. The building itself was a worn orange color with missing letters on the front, the only letters that remained were ‘ _w_ ,’ ‘ _a_ ,’ ‘ _n_ ,’ ‘ _e_ ,’ and ‘ _l_.’ It held no meaning to me, and the only letter I’d probably keep would be the ‘w.’ There was a large, chain-link fence surrounding it with barbed wire looping around the top. I decided to be daring and scale this deadly fence. I threw the bag with Owen over the fence and began my climb. Once I got to the top, however, I put my feet onto the barbed wire first before carefully turning around and placing my hands on the gaps in the wire, and eventually descending. I had gotten through with only a few scratches on my legs.

  I was cautious heading in, such a large building would be littered with walkers. The lobby was quite haunting. Dull, browning reds and oranges decorated the large room along with a few chandeliers. There were arches over railings where an upper level was located, and large staircases leading to these levels. There were two children on the floor, playing, leaving me confused. However, as I progressed into the captivating and ghostly hotel, instead of running into walkers, I ran into a group of people with guns. It was a group of about six people; four adults, two children. I was outnumbered by four guns to none, so I put my hammer down, along with my bags, and put my hands up.

  “Hey. What’s up?” There was no reaction to what I said. A guy lowered his gun slightly before tapping the guy in front of him. Everyone lowered their weapons after this.

  “Who are you? What do you want?” Asked a woman with black hair that was tied back with a dirty rag. She had a stern look on her face, one that told me that she still didn’t trust me. I watched as a man with blonde hair and a beard lowered his weapon and put it away before escorting the children out of the room.

  “I’m looking for a place to stay. I’ve been wandering for a while; my place was raided. Everyone who lived there is dead now. It isn’t safe for me to go back.” I explained. The woman eyed me and the man next to her was the one to speak. He was tall and wore a dark trench coat. He had short brown hair that was uneven and stubble peppered his cheeks. Black, thick-rimmed glasses framed his gentle hazel eyes.

  “What’s in the bags?” He asked as he made his way to me, his gun pointed at my bags. When he finally reached them, his hand flew up to his nose.

  “Oh god, what’s that smell?” I went numb. They’d find out that Owen’s body was in the bag, and then they’d suspect foul play.

  “Oh no!” I exclaimed as I bent down to the bag. I had to come up with an excuse… and quick.

  “The deer must have gone bad. Shit.” I muttered as I pressed my hand onto it, feeling the slight squish of dead flesh beneath the fabric of my duffle bag. The man stood over me, watching before pressing his hand onto the bag as well.

  “It’ll be fine. We have food if you need it.” The man offered. I stood up, looking glumly at the bag.

  “I’m Chase.” He introduced. I smiled.

  “Jean.” Chase turned to the woman with black hair.

  “This is my sister, Audra, and her husband, Bill.” Audra put her gun away as Bill waved. I waved back.

  “The guy who just left was Eddie, he’s Bill’s best friend, he’s known him since they were little.” Chase continued to explain. I nodded.

  “The kids are Audra’s, my nephews, Richard and Ben.” He told me. I laughed a bit.

  “I wish I could tell you about the people in my life but…” I trailed off.

  “You said you needed a place to stay.” Chase mentioned.

  “Yeah.” I confirmed. Chase only nodded, and -in a quick manner- Audra and Bill had left, trotting up the stairs and toward a door. They were gone within a matter of seconds. Chase looked toward the opposite staircase, where all of the doors were left open. He motioned for me to follow him up the stairs, and I did.

  “Friendly group of people you got here; I never thought that shoving a bunch of guns in a gal’s face is considered the same as a ‘hello.’” I joke. Chase chuckled at this, his head pointed down at the stairs as he climbed.

  “Yeah, sorry about that. Can’t trust people these days. You know, supplies are hard to come across these days and people would do anything to get them. Now that I look at it, my family and I, we’re kind of lucky.” He answers. I look around at what used to be a lobby, it was covered in leaves from the broken windows, and yet people were still down there, going about their daily business and finding the heart to have fun.

  “Yeah, I guess you are.” I mutter. We finally make it to the elevated level of the lobby where a few doors were located. One door was propped open. The inside was rather large, with several large, wooden tables inside and a few booths and a bar. Chase walked inside with me trailing behind.

  “This is the dining room.” He explains while holding his arms out and dropping them. I looked around and took in my surroundings. There were a few TVs suspended above the bar, and behind the bar were several shelves. Each and every one was empty.

  “Where are all the booze?” I asked while leaning over the counter and looking underneath it. Chase walked up to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

  “You won’t find any there. Can’t trust the kids to stay out of it so we moved them. So if you’re going to thank anyone for that, thank Richie.” Chase laughed. I huffed and made a mental note to ask about where they’re hiding the good stuff later. He walks toward the grey double doors next to one of the booths and points to them.

  “Kitchen.” He says as he walks out of the dining area and into the hallway. We then walked toward the next room. As we neared this room, I was able to see that it was painted a different color and it looked relatively new. The windows were open and framed by angelic-looking white curtains that looked brand new, and a soft breeze blew into the room. I could see the concrete sidewalk and the road from the window. There was an off white crib in the back corner of the room. Immediately, I could tell that it was a play room and it was going to be a nursery. I couldn’t help but wonder who the nursery was for and where the baby was now. Maybe it belonged to one of the kids playing in the lobby, I wouldn’t have known that this was their nursery. After a period of silence, I looked over at Chase.

  “This is the kids room.” He said briefly. He didn’t stop walking like I did, I was unsure of whether he realized that I wasn’t walking with him anymore. Sadly, I wasn’t worried about this. I didn’t see a playroom that was devoid of people… I saw him. He stared at me from the back wall, his arm resting on the windowsill, next to the crib. I was reminded of our baby, the one that he’d never get to see, except… he looked real, he actually looked like he was alive. I was tempted to run to him, but I couldn’t find it in me. His mouth opened as he began to say something.

  “Jean.” I turned around to find Chase at the end of the hallway, and when I turned back Owen was gone. At that moment I questioned my sanity… he was definitely dead. As a matter of fact, he was still in my bag, which was still downstairs. I made a mental note to go back for that.

  I was still disturbed by the apparent hallucinations.

  Chase opened a side door that lead to a stairwell. Looking up, I was able to see the infinite rows of steps that spiraled upward and reached the ceiling. Together, Chase and I ascended the steps. We went up at least two levels.

  The level we stopped at, after being revealed by the opening of a door, was rather well kept. The carpets looked to have been cleaned, the walls were scrubbed free of almost all bloodstains, and the doors seemed to be lacking that splintered look that the rest of the doors held. Immediately, I could tell that this was where they had been living.

  “This is the living quarters.” Chase explained. I nodded and followed him down the hall, passing many doors that were scratched or —sometimes— knocked down. The door he had stopped at was barely scratched, and on this door on a plate of gold was the number 321. Chase had turned to look at me before opening his coat and searching through a ring of keys. Eventually, he found the right one and handed me a key with a yellow tag tied to it with the number ‘321’ printed on it.

  “So I get to stay?” I asked genuinely. Chase nodded and watched as I unlocked the door to my new room. It was rather exciting. I was getting a room the first day I had been with these people. It wasn’t a broom closet and I didn’t have to sleep with the leader to get it. It was an actual room that I had to myself; I didn’t have to share it. I was immediately overwhelmed with joy. I turned around and wrapped my arms around Chase.

  “Thank you so much!” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. After I had pulled away I looked at my room. It had a view of the horizon and a highway bridge, but I still found it beautiful. The road was overrun by long grass that sprouted through the cracks toward the sun, which was setting over the bridge. My new bed held sheets that looked new enough. They didn’t completely gross me out, but they obviously weren’t fresh. It didn’t matter though. I had an actual bed now. One with a wooden headboard and bedframe.

  The walls of the room were red and peeling, much like the rest of the hotel, but I didn’t mind. The color complimented the dark wooden bedframe and the blankets. The floor was carpeted, with the color being an off white –much like the sheets. There was a small nightstand next to my bed made from the same wood as the bedframe. The dresser, complete with a mirror, was pushed up against the farthest wall, next to the door. A TV was suspended on the wall. It was useless. Despite the TV, I loved my new abode. It was gorgeous, and I felt like it was much more than I needed.

  There was a door on the wall to my left and I assumed it was a closet. When I opened it I realized that it led to the room next door.

   “Yeah, these two rooms interlock. I guess that it doesn’t matter considering we don’t have a lot of people, but if you do move some things into there don’t let it be a lot. Just in case other people show up.” He tells me. I waved my hand dismissingly at him as if to say ‘no problem,’ but I had already set my mind to what I was going to do with it. And it involved a lot of things being moved there.

  “I’ll head down to grab my things. Is that okay?” I asked. Chase nodded and I followed him downstairs.

 

2

 

   “So what’s on the second floor?” I asked. Chase sat on my bed, watching me put away a few items like clothes and books. He sighed.

  “The floor is overrun with walkers. We don’t have enough ammo to take them all down and I don’t want to risk losing   ano-” Chase stopped. I looked up after putting a pair of shorts into the bottom drawer of my dresser.

  “Another? Was that what you were going to say?” I inquired. It might have come off as a bit taunting, but it wasn’t supposed to. Chase looked out the window, sitting in silence for a few moments. I could tell immediately that it was a sensitive subject.

  “I’ll drop it. I –uh— I don’t want to know.” I continued as I resumed putting things away.

  “Thank you.” Chase muttered. Then the room was submerged in silence once more. I placed the last of my things in the drawer before turning back to Chase. He stood and made his way to the door before speaking to me.

  “Dinner should be ready soon. I’m just warning you, Eddie doesn’t like it when people are late for a meal.” He told me.

  “Don’t worry though, I’ll come and get you when it’s almost done.” He continued. I nodded and thanked him, and just like that he was gone. As soon as the door closed, I was up and making my way to the next room, where Owen’s body was hidden.

  The room looked similar to mine aside from a few things that were different. The window had long, dark brown roller shades that would definitely shut out the sun. The shades were currently rolled up, but I was going to change that sooner or later. I just had to move some things around.

  I moved the bed from the left corner of the room to the center of the room and ripped the blankets from it. Once that was done, I pushed the dresser and nightstand to where the bed once sat. And finally, I picked Owen up and placed him onto the bed. The mere sight of him brought tears to my eyes again, and I had to lower the shades to make the room dark, so I couldn’t see him. Of course there would be a few changes made to the room depending on what I find when I go on runs, but of course, this would have to do for now.

  Now I knew where he was at all times. He was in the room next to me, where only I had access to him and I didn’t have to worry about anyone stumbling upon him one day. But I did have to worry about another person coming across this place and being given the room next to me. It didn’t seem like that was going to happen, though.

 

3

 

  Chase came up to tell me that dinner was almost ready about thirty minutes after I had set up Owen’s tomb. I had followed him down the stairs once more and to the dining room, where I saw everyone sitting at what had to be two tables connected to each other. Chase sat between an empty chair and Audra. There was an empty chair across from him, which is where I sat.

  Audra sat next to Bill, and next to Bill was Ben. Richard had sat across from his mother. I was at least two chairs away from the loud child. The empty chair next to Chase must have belonged to Eddie, who I assumed was still in the kitchen preparing dinner. I sat back and watched Bill and Chase talk to each other, with Audra sternly scolding Richard for saying something that I must have missed. Things felt normal to me once more.

  Eddie came out of the double doors with a giant platter balancing on one hand. There were several bowls of vegetables and shredded cheese. On two plates were wheat tortillas and in his other hand was a tray full of hard corn tortillas. He placed the tray and platter onto the table and I could see more of the items on the platter. There was a bowl of what seemed to be fresh salsa and homemade sour cream.

  “Taco night!” Ben had said to his brother, who only responded with a smile. I was too amazed to see all of this to say anything. The Wolves were never able to do anything like this, and I was stuck wondering how this was done.

  “How?” I muttered to myself.

  “We have dairy cows in the back. Bill and I found them out on a farm where everyone was dead, so we led them back here.” Eddie explained as he sat down next to Richard and across from Bill, proving that my theory about the empty chair was wrong.

  “Wow.” Was all I was able to say. Eddie simply nodded. I looked at all of the different bowls of vegetables and wondered who grew them.

  “Who’s the gardener?” I inquired.

  “Bill. He did it in his free time before all of this started, and let me tell you, he had a lot.” Chase explained, snickering at his last comment.

  “I only had a lot because I finished writing earlier than my colleagues.” Bill said, defending himself. I was even more confused after this.

  “Writing?” I asked. Bill nodded.

  “I was a journalist and I generally got things done fast. So of course I had a lot of free time. At home, at least.” Bill stated. I laughed a bit at this. Audra looked over at me.

  “What did you do? You know, before all of this.” She asked. I smiled and answered truthfully.

  “I was a psychiatrist. Though, I was only one for a week cause of the outbreak.” I told her. She smiled.

  “Then maybe you can help me fix this freak.” She said while playfully nudging Bill. I didn’t notice the curious staring from one of the children.

  “Are you Harley Quinn?” Richard asked. I looked over at the kid.

  “What?”

  “Richard. Harley Quinn is not real.” Audra said to the child. He ignored her though and continued on.

  “Are you Harley Quinn? You talk like her, and you wear the same colors she does. You’re blonde too. And you have a hammer!” The kid pointed out. I couldn’t help but laugh at this, it was incredibly cute.

  “No, sweetie, I’m not Harley Quinn.” I told him. He was not satisfied with this answer.

  “But you were a psychiatrist!” He shouted.

  “Richard! Don’t shout at the table.” Audra scolded. He sunk back into his chair.

  “Sorry about that.” Audra apologized and I waved a hand at her.

  “Stop. It’s no big deal, he was just curious.” I said to her before leaning over to Richie.

  “If you want we can talk about Batman later on, okay? Cause I like that stuff too.” I told him, and he smiled. Eddie stood up.

  “I’ve slaved over this meal for weeks and we aren’t eating yet! Let’s dig in.” He said jokingly before sitting back down. That night we all talked and ate tacos, and it felt normal.

 

4

 

  Later on that night I found myself feeling down. I was standing in front of the mirror, knife in one hand and my hair in the other. My longer hair served as a reminder of the past, I had to get rid of it. It reminded me of the world before the outbreak, during it, and Owen. I couldn’t live with that constant reminder. So I took the knife to my hair. I cut it in clumps that resulted in uneven parts, but it looked fine to me. Next thing I knew I was surrounded by a ring of blonde and my hair was just below my jaw-line. My curls were frizzy yet defined and helped frame my face.

  This was the new me.

  I took the scraps of my hair into the next room and put it in one of the drawers. I glanced over at Owen before leaving and entering my own room once more, where I fell asleep.


End file.
